The Revamp

Tuesday 29th May – This morning, I’ve revamped the look and feel of my website – A fiddly task where customising the site to my aesthetic requirements isn’t ordinarily achieved without significant trial and error.

I liken the process to that of attempting to ‘wind up’ my adult children. That a strategy of antagonising them until they ‘bite’ at my mischievous jibes. Like the process for procuring the website look I desire, my whimsical teasing isn’t always immediately successful, but I know with perseverance I’ll eventually achieve my self-indulgent goal.

Below are a few early reviews appertaining to the new look and feel of my website. So far it’s fair to say they’ve been mixed:-

“A marriage of minimalist monochrome background fused with chromatic pictures, it’s design endeavours and achieves the professional aesthetics of an online magazine. Bravo!” – Pretentious Website Review Weekly magazine

“Strachan’s online offspring at last possesses a spring in it’s step. An amalgam of the contemporary and legacy design brings with it a much needed freshness and life. My only criticism is he needs to improve the content…… Oh, and next time try bribing me with more money than a tenner!” – Even More Pretentious Website Review Weekly magazine

“It’s a right load of s***e!” – Gary Strachan’s son

“I agree with Jonny.” – Gary Strachan’s daughter

“Jonny’s a very astute man!” – Gary Strachan’s mum

“Are these reviews real?” – Gary Strachan’s wife

“Of course not, the kids love my writing” – Gary Strachan (GS)

“We honestly don’t, dad!” – GS’s daughter

“Sorry, we’ve run out of pork chops, Gary……. We’ve some nice stewing steak though.” – GS’s butcher

“Never mind, Frank…. I’ll have partridge goujons instead.” – GS to his butcher.

“We don’t sell them, Gary…… There’s not a big market for partridge in the Leeds 15 area, pal.” – GS’s butcher

“You should revisit your stock management, Frank…. Karen’s not gonna be happy when I take home stewing steak instead of pork chops or partridge goujons.” – GS

“Too be honest Gary, it’s not my problem……. In fact you can take your custom and shove it up your jacksy!” – GS’s butcher

“You’re customer service skills leave a lot to be desired, Frank…… I shall never set foot in this flea pit again, you …… you c**kwomble!” – GS

“Suits me you…… you wassock!…….. Oh by the way do you still want that silverside beef joint for the weekend?” – GS’s butcher

“Yeah, I’ll be in for it about 11ish after I’ve dropped Karen off in Crossgates….. Can you reserve me a dozen large eggs as well, please Frank?” – GS

“These are the most ridiculous website reviews I’ve ever read…. Especially the first two!” – GS’s son


Anyhow, the newly revamped https:/ (aka is now up and running – Available from all good (and no doubt a few dodgy) browsers and search engines.

On asking my diminutive spouse what she thought of the updated aesthetics on the aforementioned site, she responded “Bl**dy hell, Gary….. Why’ve you brought stewing steak back?……. Has Frank ran out of flipping pork chops again?!”

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