As I mentioned yesterday, the Strachan abode is currently being graced by a captivating house guest of the canine variety.

When I arrived at the breakfast table this morning, there was no sign of the little lady. On asking my wife of her whereabouts, she responded “She’s in the back garden doing her business.”

Being unsure of what that was, I looked out of the rear bay window and was relieved to see doing her business wasn’t something shameful like drug dealing, gun running or selling Piers Morgan fridge magnets. It was my spouse’s polite way of saying she was outside emptying her bowels.

It has to be said that our visiting spaniel, short of leg and long of fur, has been the perfect guest. Apart from her big sad brown eyes sending me on a guilt trip every time I ate, she has brought nothing but joy to chez Strachan.

Her endearing temperament, affectionate nature and the fact she doesn’t ask for £10 every week to top up her phone, makes her infinitely more affable than many children.

Incidentally, she doesn’t need to ask for the £10 phone top up as she is currently on a highly competitive contract.  A deal that sees, for a non too excessive fee, her network provider allocate her with 4Gb of data, 500 minutes, 1000 texts and unlimited provision of bones a month.

As I pen this section, the little Cavalier King Charles spaniel (Sophie) is currently asleep and snoring raucously on our sofa. Her morning walk, in addition to the constant phone use to make the most of her generous contract, appears to have taken their toll on our canine buddy.

I’m not sure how you stop a dog snoring (apart from stopping them sleeping), although for some reason my initial though was giving them a shock. I soon realised that would be potentially dangerous; not to mention giving a shock is a remedy for human hiccups.

And I should know, as when I saw the cost of my daughter Rachel’s phone bill this morning the shock stopped me hiccupping immediately!…… To help mitigate against her exorbitant cell phone costs, I’ll have to pass on our hirsute guest’s contract details to my youngest offspring.

Sophie’s owner Jean will be picking her up shortly; and on her departure I shall miss the little tyke. As someone who has never owned a dog, unless you count cricket bats as dogs, I hadn’t realised the soothing affect they can have within the family domain.

Cricket bats have had a big part to play in my life, but they have never contributed to the family dynamic in the same way as our furry friend….. In their defence, though, cricket bats don’t defecate on my back garden, so the decision of what to choose between the two isn’t quite cut and dried just yet!

Right, I’m going to prepare tonight’s tea……. Before I go, does anyone want to buy a Piers Morgan fridge magnet?