Gary Strachan – "Write" Said Fred

Off The Wall Essays From Deep Within A Capricious Mind

fiction

A Dixie Christmas

A trumpeter is serenading me with an instrumental version of Frosty the Snowman as I commence this literary offering. To clarify, the guy isn’t just serenading me in the front room of chez Strachan senior. He’s part of a quartet entertaining the massive queue of kids/parents below the mezzanine which bears the coffee shop where I’m plying my penmanship. The group of four dressed in fancy dress, accomplished musicians playing […]

Continue Reading →

Baltic In The Baltic

I woke this morning relieved to find yesterday’s unforgivingly icy breeze had abated. This glacial wind rendering my body heat as frigorific as temperatures experienced during 1980’s nights out on Newcastle’s Quayside and Bigg Market. A deeply uncomfortable coldness not abetted by being bereft of a coat, even in sub-zero temperatures. Sartorial stupidity that ensured that most Friday nights I’d be baltic in the Baltic (a pub on the city’s Quayside […]

Continue Reading →

Any Old Iron

Living back in the matriarchal abode has many challenges, one of which the regression back nearly half a century to experiencing admonishment for actions my mother finds irritating. This includes the incessant tapping of my fingers on the kitchen table, bad table manners and the increasing use of curse words, which in recent months have habitually entered my conversation. Maggie (the family matriarch) is of the opinion that use of […]

Continue Reading →

Life In An Episode of ‘Sorry!’

It’s Tuesday and I’m still afflicted by the catarrh laden cough I penned about in Sunday’s literary offering, Untuned Catarrh. A fact leading to my disenchantment growing ever stronger, as I’m still not able to get through the night without regularly waking myself by coughing up phlegm. Taking into account the overnight capriciousness of my middle-aged bladder, it’s fair to say my current sleep pattern is pretty erratic. This morning, on […]

Continue Reading →

Armistice

Along with millions worldwide, I observed a two minute silence, marking one hundred and one years since guns fell silent in WWI. The anniversary of an armistice between the Allied countries and Germany – Ending a four year war which saw around 40 million military and civilian casualties. I wasn’t sure which surprised me more, learning of the sheer scale of human slaughter during the Great War, or the fact […]

Continue Reading →

Untuned Catarrh

In the last few days I’ve been afflicted by a catarrh laden cold. This rare malaise seeing your’s truly’s frequent chesty hacks manifesting with such ferocity I wouldn’t be surprised if they started from my feet. The bark then gaining momentum as it works upwards through my innards, chest, windpipe and mouth where it’s emitted with such power my toenails and testicles have been amongst the items orally discharged. It’s infrequent […]

Continue Reading →

A Rose For The Garden of England

Tomorrow, my daughter Rachel leaves her childhood home in Leeds, moving into a flat with her partner in Kent. The town of Tunbridge Wells becoming her new home, in the county whose aesthetic beauty earns it the moniker of ‘The Garden of England’. What amazes me is how many people seem to know she’s moving to Kent; lots of individuals have recently muttered it in my direction while walking past […]

Continue Reading →