Sonnets of Pretension

Sanctuaire de Kaleidoscopique

Rite of Passage


Delusions of Grandma

Loco Motives

Visions On Vine


Paean World

Animals Aren’t We

Nowhere Man On The Hill

Delay the Flight

Job Judgemental

O’night Dream

The Only Outlet

Woodhouse Man

Prose From The Patio

Sour Sonnet to Carcinoma

Utopia In Sock Tags

New Dawn at LS11?

Airing of Sale De Lavage

Biting The Hand That Nourishes

Flotsam & Jetsam

What Identity Crisis?

Part of the Reality Show

Service Levels Over Spirit Levels

Conversations Around The Coven

In Search O’ Four Holy Grails

Sonnet Spontaneous

Pomme Musique Memories

Cack Handed Poeme d’amour

Domain Dismal

Rhymes – Though Not For The Nursery

What Gives Aura & Aurai?

Nowhere Plans For Nobody


Empty Cage

The Entitled Species

That’s Nice

Legacy of the Loathsome

Prose In Repose

And When They Were Up….

A Life in Caricature

Malice Revisited

Proud Legacy To Dolls

Vinyl Voyage

Options D’Indesirables

Where There’s A Will

Art Without Walls

The Tiring Jab?

Position Incurable


It’s Time For Bed! ….. Boing

My Second Home

Ode to Season Moribund

Wintertide At The Roundhay Fox

Parkland situ alehouse
Stout of porter and constitution
Thou comforting embers aglow
Warming soul and spirit from unwanted chill.Wintertide sanctuary from Theoi Meteoroi
Sustain thy children until time of bell
Till adieus fall silent from thy ears
And the Peroni pipes cease.


The Road to Recovery

2014, bereft of identity, hybrid of accent
Self-induced annihilation of the yeti in the aircraft hanger
On the group selfie, negative identities say “cheese”
Smiling at their dominion over the half full brigade.

Ascension from the gutter sloth like
Notions of employability slow to diminish
Tergiversation of neurological mischief the catalyst
To thoughts of returning to the half full brigade


But Out of Frank’s Life

Oh Francis ensconced at number 78
Apply caution as thy stack yon plate
Seek thine redemption in arable plenty
Like Marjorie Grimes from number 20

Heed mine warning well-meaning Frank
Ignore and you’ll walk life’s short plank
Thine maker awaits with his footman reaper
Ignore that the chips are 50p cheaper

Those argue that fat infuses taste
May diminish their longevity. What a waste
Address thy consumption for happier times
Oh shit, I’ve just run down Mrs Grimes!


The Swords of Damocles

Multiple of personality, singular of support
Multiple of swords, singular of intent
Not by halves does Damocles toil
Unlike the tormented, he can multitask.

How long will the swords dangle
The rancid status quo best scenario of the afflicted
Hope upon hope thine misery exacerbates not
Men in black top hats hold thy distance…. Get back!

Where art thou respite?
Thick of thieves with karma, conspicuous by your absence
Does your mucker still exist or has he stopped keeping score?
Hold thy position still thee men in black

Six years endurance
People of medicine keeping the men in black at bay
Blind loyalty to yon unfeeling creators
Providing cover for their evading of raindrops

The yeti ponders how to reconcile
His role as scapecoat tormenting his soul
The solitary carer in an ocean of those who don’t
Thoughts of an eventual sun rise saveth


Chasing The Star Spangled Dream

Exiled Scot From Lone Star State

Whimple clad Austrian governess

Chaste carer of seven, notation guides with

Do Re Me Fa So La Ti

Well meaning girl spreading larksong


Exiled Scot of Lone Star state

Dharma taught, advocate of Manjushri mantra

Om Ah Ra Pa Chi Nhah Dhih

Well meaning chant of righteous ideology


Girl of the oil rich state

Riches gained from sources of truth

Avarice of those in denial spurned

Faith unwavering despite Karma’s reticence to reconcile


Austin girl, thy suitor on white charger sought

Ne’r undervalue thine worth and contribution

Those who shout loudest mustn’t prevail

Their path often less enduring and true


Lassie of Caledonian ancestry

At times of doubt remember thine forefathers sacrifice

Leaving cold climes and poverty of the motherland

Travelling west for your star spangled dream



Leopards with Immovable Markings


Repentance via hymn song and amen

Redeemed by your disingenuous Sunday words

Grinning kirk leavers, hasten back to awaiting moral high ground

Absolved of sins, given guilt free return to job judgemental.


Pointless promises from the misguidedly self-righteous

Who belief Insincere covenants and pew presence usurp actions

Carte Blanche given by pulpit orators, who sanction

The leopards redemption irrespective of their immovable markings.


What is the point of disingenuous Sunday words?

Yes thee, leopard with no intent to adhere to spiritual teachings

Why false promises to your Father and Son?

Cable TV and the less righteous impatiently await thy presence.


Why then leopard thine sojourn to Sunday kirk?

Thy fear of a heated final destination?

Misguided belief that your maker has stopped keeping score?

Or delusions it sanctions judgement over pesky pew dodgers?


Bear in mind leopard, whether pew dweller or not

Actions usurp thine lyrics insincere.

The pulpit sage’s admonishment of your sins

Bear more truth than your disingenuous Sunday words.


The Stork and The Rooster

The stork and the rooster

Not of the avian type, despite peacock feathers

Source of beatitude, kin contentment

Gladful humanity pours from thy pores.


The stork and the rooster

Ne’r doubt thine calibre

Not inferior or usurping of peers

Learn and grow spirit from thy and pa’s faux pas’


The stork and the rooster

Fulfilment comes not with acquisition of riches

Contentment is in decency and compassion

Be happy with thy bins, they are half full like thy glass


The stork and the rooster

Embrace positivity, spurn idiocy of fools

Offer not fake promises or falsehoods

Ne’r stoop to the lower standards of the spiteful


The stork and the rooster

Locutions can’t convey thy pater’s pride of thee

His legacy greater than lexilogical utterances

Squabble not over the memorabilia, books or sovereigns bestowed


The stork and the rooster

Maintain the path thine both tread

Ignore re-routed navigation of misguided folly

Be true to thyself mes beaux enfants



Little Man

Self appointed family head

Bereft of love, apart from thy self

Demands respect undeserved

Little man chip, fishing for attention


Uneducated blark, vain glorious delusions

Thy face minus the proboscis removed by thee in spite

Robbed of memories by misguided stance

Verbal engagement a one way street


Inarticulate man, incomplete of sentence

Mashie niblic importance usurps that of kin

Head in bunker sand, or masonic posterior?

Luckily dual visages allows both


Real man doesn’t countenance culinary skills

Passes advice, his position of unworthy

I long for days you and your rancid betrothed

Are my existential recycle bin bound.


Angel of the North

Mine Angel of the North
Diminutive of stature, gargantuan of courage
Stoically resists odious foe’s grotesque itinerary
Lion-like tenacity, spirit and determination your sabre
Pharmaceutical intervention your trusted shield.

Mine Angel of the North
Another birthday in thy family’s bosom
Defying odds, despite nemesis lingering like faeces on gleaming brogue
Foe’s eviction from family home shall never be
Yet smile unrelenting, domain illuminated by your whimsy

Mine Angel of the North
As balladeer John, you’re a legend
Struck at four and two score summers, yet bitterness no friend
Anger deemed futile, energy required for upcoming crusades
An unwinnable war, but battle victories proceed unabated

Mine Angel of the North
Selflessness undiminished by pain and fatigue bequeathed by rancid foe
Brood given unconditional precedence over thyself
The stork, rooster and I wish thee a glorious anniversary of birth
Thy contribution to our existential journey immeasurable


Ode to Summer Breeze

Unrelenting summer breeze

Seemingly perennial companion of solar rays and precipitation

Diminishing comfort of suns flares in thy spite

Diminishing anthropilan pollen hauls

Diminishing once sturdy structures with thine bluster

Enhancing no-one’s existence but Gail with thy blowing


Unapologetic gusts, thine cussed traits

Meteorological mischief, curse of the Anemoi

Destruction bequeathed to flora and fauna

Disorientating avian avigation

Deteriorating joy for vacationing broods

Can thy not bestow respite from your fury betwixt spring and fall?


What bringeth thine contemporary pre-fall choler?

Is there no recess from daily toil?

Iberian peninsula beckons for your assuagement

Iberian peninsula can temper thine temper

Iberian peninsula has ‘all inclusive’ offers in selected hostelries

Caution required under midday solar flares, forget thee not thy factor 30


I share not the Isley Brothers sentiments about thee summer breeze

Agreeing not that you make me feel fine

Or indeed blow through the jasmine in my mind

Vacation require to rid your grey pallor

Rest thine weary limbs from relentless exertion

But if you go remember to turn off the immersion


Unrelenting summer breeze

Seemingly perennial companion of solar rays and precipitation

Diminishing comfort of suns flares in thy spite

Diminishing anthropilan pollen hauls

Diminishing once sturdy structures with thine bluster

Enhancing no-one’s existence but Gail with thy blowing


Unapologetic gusts, thine cussed traits

Meteorological mischief, curse of the Anemoi

Destruction bequeathed to flora and fauna

Disorientating avian avigation

Deteriorating joy for vacationing broods

Can thy not bestow respite from your fury betwixt spring and fall?


What bringeth thine contemporary pre-fall choler?

Is there no recess from daily toil?

Iberian peninsula beckons for your assuagement

Iberian peninsula can temper thine temper

Iberian peninsula has ‘all inclusive’ offers in selected hostelries

Caution required under midday solar flares, forget thee not thy factor 30


I share not the Isley Brothers sentiments about thee summer breeze

Agreeing not that you make me feel fine

Or indeed blow through the jasmine in my mind

Vacation require to rid your grey pallor

Rest thine weary limbs from relentless exertion

But if you go remember to turn off the immersion



Railway Town Termalant

“Are you keeping it?” inquired odious product of railway town

‘Overwhelmed’ at news of impending grand motherhood

Bereft of redeeming features the harridan hints at the unthinkable

Despite daughter one score and three summers, husband secure of employ


Virulent imbecile, gloom-ridden of demeanour

Sixty years wed to fellow imbecile

Although, opposites attract more than thy sham betrothal

Selfish meets soul bereft of endearing features, a doomed fusion


Fishwife, evolved without humanity or thought

Hobby dressing thy twins identically even in adulthood

Taints all suitors of thine dolls comparing to halfwit consort

Quite unbelievably you bear the mantle of brains of the outfit!


Virago without virtue

Job judgemental suits you not

Ne’er comforting thy incurable stricken doll

Ensuring positivity doesn’t darken thine door your ultimate priority.


When you meet your maker product of railway town

How will you reconcile thine rancid life?

I suspect he won’t countenance your tales from the tabloids

Your misguided self-righteousness augmented more by thy dolls


I conclude mine prose now seamstress

Deluded termagant proffering your doll married beneath her

You’re akin to faeces on my polished shoe sole

I long for a time when you’re hosed off for good!



Jardin Sanctuary

Kaleidoscopic sanctuary, redolent of perfume

Beautifying Castle of Englishman, with Caledonian moniker

Nurtured over a score summers with scheme and graft

Perennial pride of Englishman and stricken betrothed

Source of fleeting liberty from existential foreboding

Nature’s sword against unyielding angst


Jardin avec cornucopia of colour

Irises a sight for sore irises

Lilly the pink, not of Scaffold offering

Nectar rich foxglove stands stoic against mollusc’s relentless assault

Lavender bouquet fit for veiled half of matrimony’s bouquet

Horticultural majesty amongst suburbia of bustling metropolis


Diminutive garden in God’s own county

No water-feature like vast parkland of which to boast

Fret not David as thy allure cannot be usurped by Goliath

Your volition forbids aesthetic acquiescence to foes of scale

Hold thy petal rich stems vain-gloriously high

No peacock display can transcend thy multi-coloured splendour


Solar rays are no longer your bed fellow my kaleidoscopic sanctuary

Although capriciously seeking short term suitors in other climes

Fear not as their heart is yours, Englishman’s garden

A rendezvous may be only a handful of hours away

When the thirst quenching water bequeathed by the Englishman

Along with the warmth of their touch will re-invigorate once more.


Patron Saint of Spite


Indiscriminate cacodemon; lesions with evil agenda

Patron saint of spite; malodorous mutations

Seven years of your malevolence weighs heavy, though breaks me not

Despite thy blighting an eighth of mine two score and fourteen summers.


Odious demigod, taunting from behind barrier incurable

You may win the war, though not every battle initiated

Mine betrothed, lion-hearted in spirit, won’t acquiesce without fight

Resistance the solitary option agin rancid foes of thy ilk.


With posterior parked on mine broods existential chaise longue

Courtesy of widespread skeletal infiltration, smugly gloats from position terminal

Though indestructible like the scarlet captain

Thine agenda of carnage polar opposite to agent red.


Mutant cells, devoid of redeeming features

Will thy ever tire of the misery you bestow?

What manifests such vindictiveness?

Alma mater bullying and role model rancid, I’d conject.


Spiteful canker, bereft of positive existential worth

Bar perhaps fellows in tall black hats and stockholder pharmaceutical

Your seven winter presence may be draining emotionally

Consequential brood resilience , though, has been nurtured by thy festering agenda.


Woodhouse Man

Woodhouse man
Brick house foundations bestowed upon brood
Deterring villainous wolf attentions
Encouraging predator to seek less secure footings.

Woodhouse man
Proud gentleman of white rose burgh
Undemonstrative, periphery your comfort zone
Unperturbed at allowing the less worthy centre stage.

Woodhouse man
In a shithouse world
Your gifts greater than the guinea or sovereign
Humanity, security, caring and selflessness thine riches bestowed.

Woodhouse man
No more undervalue thine contribution
Or decry your altruistic penchant
Instead, listen to quart score benefactors of thy self-sacrifice.

Woodhouse man
Coal house always replenished to warm thy clan
Sustenance and shelter remits unconditional
Those shouting louder, rant with less erudition.

Woodhouse man
Providing legacy of pure selflessness
In portal of misguided self-entitlement
Provision for brood thy unquestioning boon.

Woodhouse man
Thine discomfort in ailment
Felt emotionally analogous by distressed brood
Convalesce swiftly loving Woodhouse man.


The Only Outlet

Only outlet to bid au revoir?

Malcontent’s frustration the gift that keeps giving

What respite for the tortured yeti?

Negative imbecilic cankers of one score and ten summers

Conspire with carcinogenic canker of seven winters

Intentional objective of diminishing spirit, melancholy to nurture.


Chewy’s enduring misfortune manifest his dwindling faith

Notions of future illumination of fortunes despairingly plummet

Half full crystal glass morphs to semi empty beaker

Damocles’ pristine dual sabres maintain menace above brood’s pates

Ambiguity reins at spousal & pater’s wellbeing, likewise future employ

Imperceptible support, enforced celibacy their burdensome accomplices.


Solitary outlet have one or three more for the road

Yeti prefers semi empty beaker to barren chalice

Allowing sole avenue to divert from existential misery

Anger & bitterness, bed fellows yeti doesn’t wish to embrace

Realising the folly of epiphanies of negativism

His only wish continuance of that solitary outlet.


O’night Dream

O’night dream, connotation concealed
Taunting soul wi’ secret elucidation
Norn man regressed to childhood forefathers domain
Loft hiding clandestine past
Water tank, Pandora’s Box Norn man reticent to unlatch

O’night dream, connotation concealed
Recurring visit to furrowed playing fields of youth
Like a spectre, Norn man adorns all white
Only ghosting though is beyond opposition.
Utopian time in No 8 sock tags

O’night dream, connotation concealed
Norn man yet again procures airborne powers
Despite emu flight capability returned at slumbers end
Interpretation of visions baffles hopeless dreamer
Explication lacks clarity of visual definition.

O’night dream, connotation concealed
Why pitch Norn man in 26 mile torture
Wakes from slumber exhausted, donning foil blanket
Distressed at missing personal best time by 1.2 seconds
Assign his Margot Robbie epiphanies as recurring nap visions.

O’night dream, connotation concealed
Lately, Norn man’s waking angst mirrored in slumber
Grant respite in unconsciousness to tortured soul
His want a domain of rest while sleeping
A time of equanimity too much to ask?


Job Judgemental

Disparaging judge in ivory tower

Deflecting deficiencies with efficacious venom

Concern thyself with flaws of reflected image

Assess not the non-reflected

Their footsteps thou hasn’t ambulated.


Paragon of virtue, self-appointed of role

Cast first stone if without sin

On realisation of thy flaws, humility exhibit

Return stone groundward, polish glass house in lieu

Judge instead a journey in the non-reflected’s footprints.


Backstabbing miscreant, villain of misinformation

Negativity your default stance, be positive of that

Ricocheting attention resolves not foibles

No doubt a blemish humanity bereft

Ministration usurps assassination of character every-time.


Author of poem, hypocrisy spouting

Guilty of duplicity, accepting job judgemental

Sonnet of self-righteousness, misguided sanctity

Practise thy preaching, anger unresolved by vitriolic prose

Incidentally, there’s a splendid 3 for 2 yoghurt offer on at Tesco.


Delay Flight

Existential departure lounge
Sorry, but passport bereft traveller can’t venture
Instead, seeking return to bosom of brood
Akin to kin, interim delay in one way flight sought
He’ll return eventually, aware avoidance not option.

Where art aviation controllers strike?
Where art handlers o’ baggage mischief?
Where art failure technical?
Where art meteorological interference?
Conspicuous by absence, undesired smooth path bequeathed.

Traveller aware no brood escapes pain of departure
His kin expectations unreasonable not
One more for the road, as proffered by Francis Albert
As family of Caledonian name seeking boarding higher than Gate 81
Clan Destine in the dark

Roy Castle advocated value of dedication
Keith Richards dabbled with medication
Clan Destine seek traveller’s pain cessation
Allow once again eves of merlot bouquet and Bobby Darrin lament
A gratitude deserved by clan’s Clark Kent.


Look after our Girl, Canada
Domain of Maple Leaf, Mountie, Moose
Thou hath lured our girl from her Anglo hoose
Land claimed by Cabot for an English king
Take his descendants subject under thine wing
Timbits, Molson Dry, Nova Scotian donair
Yorkshire lass has sacrificed puddings to consume thine fine fare
Metropolis’ of Calgary, Toronto, Vancouver
She’ll ne’r say vacuum, to her it’s to hoover
Birthplace of Buble, Dion, Gosling
For thine sake, on karaoke night don’t let her sing
The dominion provider of Spock’s gaffer
Please forgive this prose that couldn’t be naffer
She adores outdoor activities, is enamoured consuming sliders
Be aware though, the lady freaks over potato chips and spiders
British Columbia, Ontario, Alberta
She answers to the name Rach not Gerta (……. look, you try get a rhyme for Alberta!)


Nowhere Man On The Hill

Mushy mind, emotions spent
Enduring anger persists at karma’s folly
Dysfunction reigns, parasol protects not
Pretentious prose mine novel distraction
Wordsworth without the words
Shelley without the shell.

Unrelenting detritus, any plans to move on?
Like fab quartet mused, fool on the hill’s wants are excessive not
Nowt high maintenance sought by nowhere man
Peace of mind his solitary goal on mystery tour
All the lonely people, where do they all belong?
His mother should know, but isn’t sure.

Rudderless fool, hill in situ
Sees the sun going down; while the eyes in head
Witness revolutions of globe
Nowhere man refuses to recant creative musings
Lifetime of acquiescence a strategy long gone
Difference now embraced, negative spouting disregarded with distain.


Animals Aren’t We

It’s all a game mused marginalised yeti
Animals aren’t we
Food, water, procreation and shelter
Necessities all, rest just padding
They short term fix of comfort, till dwindling rush abates
Moving onto next misguided existential purchase
Bizarrely, expecting a long-standing misery solution.

In globe where happiness sold with prefix ‘i’
There is not ‘i’ in contentment, unless misspelt
There is ‘i’ in misguided, foolish, addiction, possessions and delusional
What brings long-term fulfilment, queries proletariat?
What’s worth of keeping up with the Jones’?
Their discontentment akin to yours
Only further fiscally challenged by thy folly.

Should the Jones’ role models be?
Should not the genuinely happy be sought for thy redemption?
Contentment a chalice well concealed
Thought required uncovering the veiled cup
Edify the misguided on strategy spend
As conclusion of sonnet my priority now
While I procure magic beans for our haggard old cow.


Paean World

Exclamation mark overload of rookie penman
Grammar erratic, improvement thine goal
Critique from academic justified on curve tutorial
Veiled feedback pivotal for hirsute dreamer
Gratitude to academic, her evaluation requisite
Sets deluded man of hair, on terra firma anew
Still seeking amnesty from grammar police.

Words of academic, tuition, guidance
Adherence essential, dovetailing with mother language doyens.
Jack o’ all trades, yet mastering them requires yeti’s yakka
Literary employ still remains pipe dream
Piper long paid; now where art yeti’s recompense?
Hard yards done, reward conspicuous with absence
“One day!” his numerous personalities attempt to re-assure.

Are epiphanies worthy of guerdon?
Or are delusions unfurling from cranial corners?
How gauge thy work in portal prose?
Paean world a theme park, no sanctions of height or write
Quality measurements an unknown quantity
Quantity measures correctly usurped by quality
Literary yield immaterial, calibre decrees sonnet significance.



“I was in Bagdad when you were in your dad’s bag.”
Proffered forefather, mischievous of trait, maternal of line
Playfully admonishing grandson for misguided patronisation
“In Armley Jail, you get no ale”
A ditty to same boy, courtesy of paternal rooted gramps
Tongue in cheek indoctrination of folly of crime
Ancestors DNA disparate, humour homogenous.

WWII paters, with weapons of wit
Advice in 70s from men in their 70’s
Erudite advisors with larking demeanour
Unconditionally they enlighten the conditional
Lighting rooms with banter, Lighting tobacco with habit
Their ardours ITV Seven dovetailing Leeds United eleven
Both sought merriment in peers and piers.

Grandson covets forefathers of kindred spirit
Their tongue in cheek, his cheek in tongue
Melancholy manifests, impetus deprived confab of adulthood
Yeti desires meeting once again
It’s over thirty years since grandson met forefathers
Yet still they live through his banter inane
Legacy to the boy and generations forthwith.


Visions On Vine

Visages staring from branches o’ shrubberyPerennial renderings in tree and bush exhibitionUnfailingly stern or melancholic in façadeNone smile at yeti, dans le beau jardinWhat intimation thy presence moot. 

Why face mournful evergreen verdure?

Fauna existence akin to sapiens morose?

Plant Prozac may uplift from mental canker

Lavender lithium may sooth thy angst

Neurotransmitters desire sustenance phostrogen.


Institute warning? Aegis witness?

Thy gargoyle display promises not blithe intent

Notre Dame’s fauna version offers no sanctuary

Bells ring not for thee with thy woebegone countenance

Mark well, if wind changeth, thou may remain that way.

Loco Motives

Childhood domain bound, tracks below feetDomicile o’ inculcation, though birthplace possesses heartHalf century crisis of identity, through yeti unable to embraceSelf-induced purgatory, mind tormented for his follyIf purgatory a halfway house, then has he departed?His final journey, destination redemption.


Locomotive, what are loco man’s motives

Tracks are not of tears, like The Miracles

Cathartic sojourn, bridge of Tyne rebuilding

Redemption sought extinguishing burning pont

Time and yeti can only tell if inner tranquillity attained

Continued peripheral situ shall failure prevail.


Delusions of Grandma

In Hamlet not a village without churchWill wrote of villains who smile and smileTermagant’s daughter does odious role model proudThirty years torture of yeti despite consideration worthyHarridan proud of misguided adviceQuartet of vain glorious delusional shout “Fore”


Termagant’s union of faeces, fuels anti-man spite

Tarring all geezers wi’ idiotic panoramic brush

Brush better used for removal of prevailing excrement

Retarded pairs oxygen theft not registered on sojourn imbecile

Smiles not suppressed for yeti’s celibacy enforced

Appreciation not sought expedient


Martinet’s offspring concentrating on sin not asinine

No-one matters but highly-strung quartet

Undeserved fatuousness matters not to ET doppelganger

Uneducated insensate blark talks at, not with

Seeks mentoring of grandchildren, more capable

Legacies worthless negativity, deluded importance.



Fallen from crest, carer careers

Heads for terra firma recalcitrantly

Clutched from catastrophe thy fate?

Or destiny distressing, firma terra destination?

Tune in next week

Same bat time, same bat channel

Yeti appears courtesy o’ Harry’s Chip Restaurant


Plummeting pugnaciously, redemption implausible

Saviour sought from plunge ruination

Outlets clandestine, strain draining of soul

Doth karma not dictate lustrous hereafter?

Recompense for recent fortunes rancid

Yeti then recalls karma non-existent

Crystal chalice semi vacant he opines at epiphany.


Capricious yeti’s plunges are frequent

Though blessedly thus far ne’er reached floor

Redeemer a chalice with halfway replenishment

Fill-up his fillip, required in haste

Where out thou flagon, hirsute man’s emancipator

Thine procrastination troubles soul, gravity leading on points

What do you mean “Dial 1 – for redemption, 2 – for counselling, 3 – for more options”?

Rite of Passage

Ninth month 1970

Boy of seven summers, witness of owl badge eleven inaugural

Peacocks by name but not by feather, plumage white of spectre

Shirts a blank canvas at kick-off, soon rendered by sweat and blood

Child’s blank canvas rendered by fledgling football memories

Pater’s eternal gift for offspring; a point from where he can’t regress

Amongst tribe, son’s first sample of Kop stale Tetley’s & urine eau de cologne

Today’s foes the Saints come marching out, being in their number not option

Boy’s heart belongs to achromatically feathered peacocks.


Sat on barrier, lad’s blue eyes witness tepid game opening by owl badge eleven

Saints early Kop end penalty, crowd’s catalyst to broaden lad’s vocabulary

Giant Welsh striker Davies confronted by compatriot Sprake

A keeper blonde of lock, error prone of disposition

Davies the Penalty strikes ball hard to Sprake the Saves left

Viking like stopper prevails, pouncing on left corner bound sphere

Boy surprised to hear Kop brisk words of celebration mirror those of anger

Men in black with white napkin collar still targeted for abuse regardless

Wee fella wisely refrains enquiring “Dad, what’s a bastard?”

Despite young age, aware caution required before mimicking tribe.


Later half uno, owl badge eleven now spot-kick recipients

Kop question not decision of man in black

His parent’s marital status at birth not felt worthy of mention on this occasion

Emerald Isle schemer, not farmer, Giles stands hands on hips awaiting

Crowd expectant, hoping his wellington boots won’t hinder strike

With Scratching Shed stood adjacent, penalty dispatched top left

1-0  owl badge eleven lead, Yer man from land of little people milks adulation

Adulation not cow from County Kerry, but plaudits of Elland Road tribe

Remainder of contest barren. Saints march home point bereft

For boy, commencement of over two score years of elation, tears, euphoria and fears.


Sanctuaire de Kaleidoscopique


Sanctuaire de kaleidoscpocique

Deciduous trees in backdrop, gossiping in mumble, volition breeze

Jardin yeti’s zone o’ comfort; pyracantha unforgiving spikes sole nemesis

Beauty horticultural is fete accompli

Sweat, doggedness drivers of colour cornucopia

Unforgiving rainstorm forecast, flora and flora pray no mirage.


Hirsute man’s perspiration, spouse’s garden design of aspiration

Sweat worth unequivocal outcome of charm

Hydrangeas exhibit vain glorious, lilies dwindle as petals spent; hibernation preaently

Lavender’s fragrant frond diminishing, anthophila’s work nature’s perennial legacy

Begonia’s low maintenance appreciated, No requirement for begonia’s to be gone with ya

Matured shrubs of scale, conceal immature weeds of scale.


Spectrum of colour, spectrum of delight

Nine months thy gestate akin to embryo’s tenancy

Yeti often awestruck at nature’s refinement,

Situ of comfort thine heartwarming bosom, toilsome not.

Situ of therapy toilsome neither, bosom thine counselling

Dusk arrives, a lighting inertia detracts not from pulchritude.


New Dawn at LS11?

In cantilever stand, perches boy; heir apparent
Adjacent perches hirsute father; hair apparent
Mild April eve in LS11, fledgling noughties
White hat’s with white plumage seek further tarry
One of quart legions left standing, now seeking scalp Valencian
Foe’s both achromatic of uniform; visitors acquiesce, clashing colour forbidden
Beyond expectation performance bring charges of Emerald Isle leader to final verge
Catalan, Spanish, Belgian, Italian, German colossuses already put to the sword
Battles prevailed by youthful conscripts in legion’s conquest European.

“We wore wordy winners!” ancestor of Leary opines every post battle
Top man with silver hair basks in reflective glory of initial success,
Flip side implosion not of his doing. Guilt laid at door of legion’s legions.
Thirst for overly hasty march on together a driver for board’s irresponsible acquisitions?
Whatever; was catalyst to diminishing of seeing win; more downs than ups
Forwards times seven excessive, solitary chle ar ais misguided
Irish lottery, jackpot squandered; legion’s legions decry acts ever fowler
Divisive guilt game spanning o’er decade, no benefactors apparent
Solitary perennial victims zealots amour unconditional.

April night, pre-Valencian spat, the future appeared achromatic
Heir apparent and hair apparent oft mull over this time of mortgaged plenty
Though witnessing Madrid in LS11 was real; along with dispatching Barcelona
Fifteen months on, Emerald Isle gaffer deposed; legion unable to secure bank loana
Not long into noughties, inevitable acrimonious divorce from elite division
LS11 legion keep the cd’s and goldfish, but controversially lose the kids
Disingenuous dawns aplenty, ignominy of third tier stint divorce’s legacy
Is Latin lothario new suitor to rekindle elite division affair?
Puoi scommetterci il culo che lui è!


Utopia In Sock Tags

Matchstick arms enclosed in long sleeves achromatic
Boy of ten summers stretches cotton kit for palm stealth
Mimicking hero’s posture, in flight and in goal celebration
Visage smile matches contemporary shirt motif
Socks accessorized with tag blue, number eight white
Imitation accuracy usurps discomfort of adorning accessory.

His hero a man of Willenhall, Sniffer by pseudonym
Second born, though most successful of footballing sibling quartet
Moniker bequeathed at poacher’s goal sniffing prowess
Oft source of football fulfilment on boy’s canvas existential
One of eleven white-shirted gladiators; frequent bearers of audience delight
“Clarke, One-nil!” commentators soundbite; still oft recollected o’er 40 years hence .

Gladiators adorning all-white dispersed mid-decade 1970’s
Audience smile’s diminishing along with motif smiley
Boy’s puberty coincided, compounding adolescent angst
Child’s motif amour remains, though something died with exiting gladiators
Now middle aged, man will always procure comfort at childhood witness gladiatorial
At least until the world stops going around.


Glad To Have You Back

So glad to have you back where you belong
Satchmo’s salutations bestowed on returning Ms Levi
In Wakey suburbia, brood replicates Louis’ greeting, though pater recipient
Dolly replaced lyrically by Mally, apologies to Herman
A score and eleven sunsets incarcerated in bosom of healthcare institution
Octogenarian gaunt on return, though blessedly without canker of departure.

Unlike Ms Levi, no room swaying or band playing for old chap
No song from way back when
Judge, though, not on undemonstrative family show
Unmitigated delight pulses through broods veins
A month his struggle, 31 days clan purgatory
Recuperation priority, Yorkshireman’s return to institute not option.

As Louis Armstrong’s hailing of Dolly recrudesces dans mon tete
TV projects mashie niblick men; a few feet away Mally resides ‘his chair’ in situ
Immeasurable Clan glee, restoration of table head driver for joy
On TV, differing driver slices ball leading to perpetrator’s ‘Fore’ cry
Old man inexplicably takes evasive action, in spite of shout televisual
Ridicule desists, though, on errant golf ball resting on hearth rug.


Biting The Hand That Nourishes

Dodging the raindrops, umbrella arbitrary
Amongst plethora o’ undeserving thorns, a rose though not fragrant
Even though ‘team’ in maintenance, selflessness forthcoming not
No ‘i’ in lager but matters not to the misguided ego.

Disloyal parasite, disingenuous disposition
Biting the hand that feeds, deflecting thy inadequacies
Humanity devoid on thine vain-glorious parade float
Round the block anew, till self-indulgence fulfilled.

Who keeps score on opportunist’s wants?
Karma reticent of involvement; chameleon off-colour
O’Dowd’s boy’s dreamt of red, gold and green
Man without conviction has self-obsessed dreams.

When does self-absorption desist in mind mercenary?
Behaviour self-centred; imposter soft-centred ne’er arrives
With thy unmindful o’ foibles, unaware o’ deficiencies
Is remedying fissure a project too far?


Airing of Sale De Lavage

Torture, but conclusion unwanted
Score summers celibacy, enforced as with gaol dweller
Punishment though for crimeless act
Spiteful matriarch pride, her indoctrination prevails
“Opine thy suitor is toxic, conduct regardless”
Legacy of odious termagant, equally imbecilic spouse.

Yeti acquiesce not now, fury at long-term misguided idiocy
Score summers celibacy, reluctantly suffered for offspring’s good
Alternative, rancid town upbringing, heinous negative influence not option
Yeti blessed that offspring benefit, his sacrifice of no affection bears fruit
Odious matriarch and ‘special’ betrothed without grandchildren bond
In realisation of idiocy choice yeti demonisation, daughter’s kids bond not option.

Yeti despairs at union with family fuckwit
Joyless brood, bereft of intelligence, volition negativity
Paragraph four of this sonnet is bequeathed to your last score year memories
Also incorporate visits since terminally ill daughter’s diagnosis six winters past
Regardless, the scorer won’t be troubled
Plenty time to enjoy next world heat, no distraction from trip down memory lane.


Inconsistency by Adage

“I’m a lover not a fighter.” Jacko instructs Macca, argument over girl
“I’m a fighter not a lover.” claims erectility dysfunctional pugilist
“I’m a lothario not a blothario.” says misguided maker up of adages
“I’m a blothario not a lothario.” responds peer equally adept at adage incorrect.

“One swallow doesn’t make a summer.” proffers camouflaged ornithologist
“A summer doesn’t make one swallow.” retorts orally unfulfilled man.
“Kill two birds with one stone” maxim of proficient organiser
“Kill one Stone with two birds.” foolhardy plan of threesome crime agin Richards.

“It’s better to have loved and lost, than never loved at all.” advice to heartbroken buddy
“It’s better to have never loved, than loved and lost that idiot!” Aunt Maude opines
“Err on the side of caution when the crow’s fly south.” controversial advice from twitcher
“When crow’s fly south, fuck caution.” equally controversial advise from Uncle Frank.


Flotsam & Jetsam

Flotsam and jetsam,
Debris influx, terra firma destination final
Curlicue waves thine volition
Calm post-storm wreckage; redemption from waves unruly
Remnants in sanctuary, steadfast in surviving brow-beating.

Flotsam and jetsam,
In esse despite torrid odyssey
Plaudits deserved, unforgiving swell surfed
Metaphor for weathering life’s fervid waves
Perseverance essential; or no aftermath to sample.

Flotsam and jetsam,
What will norn man’s debris include at conclusion?
Venture horribilis to render his destination in situ sedimentary?
Or re-invigorated endurance aftermath consequential reward?
Is it too much to expect that norn man appropriates existential augmentation?



What Identity Crisis?

Over two hundred year roots in county of reverence
Place of birth and 1960’s appearance by grace of god
Baby boom nipper, Hyde Terrace emergence
Taken northward while still fledgling.

Birds not on drift southward, as in migration
Baby boomer appreciative of area resettled
Despite heart always being beckoned by genesis
Tormented, though abandonment of forefathers situ not option.

Refusal to acquiesce on identity isn’t without repercussions
Mind scrambled by unrelenting tribalism, foolhardy or not
Been back in roots domain over score years
Repercussions not banished, though baby boomer tormented no more.




Arbitrary Rhyming Poem

Achromatic canvas, sheet of white
I bequeath you my prose; I hope it’s not sh!te
Like driven snow, virginal coupon
Apologies for staining thee by spilling my soup on (Look you try get a rhyme with coupon!)
Chaste paper, bereft of type
My spicy lunch is giving me gripe
Cream parchment, untenanted voucher
Prepare for mountaineering tale by W.A.Poucher (Chuffing hell I’m not making this easy!)
Note paper magnolia, arbitrary of rhyme
Please forgive me for my literary crime
Now rendered with words, no long feel bare
The tongue in cheek nonsense from a guy with back hair
I look out my window at scarlet begonias
Aaaarrrgggh bollocks…… I’ve just stubbed my toe on a chair leg!






Part of the Reality Show

Evincing patience is virtuous, so proverb claims
An idiom once steadfastly embraced by the proletariat
Instant gratification, though, now king in kingdom of the self-entitled
In vogue devices deemed a human right by the misguided
Even politics gives impression this is all a reality TV show
When phone lines open, vote using my on-screen number.

Do I deserve your ballot support? Probably not
It matters not though; a quarter hour later the winner disappears
Unless lesson taken, resurfacing 5 years hence, 25 lbs heavier
To yet again becoming a side-show for the prurient masses
Throw in a sob story, your participation is guaranteed for another week
Throw in the towel, Warhol’s 15 minute fame baton passes to Stoke bloke.

If one can’t prevail, another adage suggests to join ‘em
But I’ve had a word with Em and I’m not welcome on ‘The Voice’
Restraining orders scupper plans to croon for Midlands beauty
Black Eyed Peas geezer and Leeds fan Ricky dodge a baritone bullet
Maybe Ant & Dec can facilitate my quarter of an hour in the sun
It’s a thought, but I’ll not splash on the factor 20 just yet.

Service Levels Over Spirit Levels

Collateral damage, or casualty plot clandestine?
Plot to cull with plot to kill?
Austerity frontage; cleansing of unwashed behind shield?
Poet of no political leaning, unsure of ruling class motives
Will they ever tire of gorging on Wonka’s lifetime supply of goodies?

Mr and Mrs Lateral-Damages son Colin unfortunate consequence
His profile high, subsequently results in proletariat demeanour low
Mrs Call’s son Fu, procrastinates; spirit broken in box ticking role
Only comfort his post work pint; buy one hangover get another free
Mr Soul’s son Caring, thought less of than odious brother Richard.

Scaremongering merges with spite; this sun needs no factor 30
PC political correctness misguidedly given precedence over PC police constable
Administrator’s service levels diminish medics spirit levels
Those levels have no chance of balance; not when there’s a box to tick
Only parity the ineptness of dwellers on whole of political spectrum.
Conversations Around The Coven

Conversations around the coven
Non-existent words, non-existent humanity
Locutions from locations without erudition
You can fool some of the people all of the time
Like hound dog mistreated, yeti will have his day.

Uh-hu, mmmh, ah-ha, parrot replication thy sole chatter
Does Polly want a cracker, thesaurus or dictionary
Offerings worthless, icy actions your maxim
Dual stirring of coven pot and excrement legacy to thine dolls
Positivity, warmth ne’er guests at thy rimy door.

Railway town termagant, was it all worth it?
Tainting other’s lives, revenging misdemeanours of others
Misguided beliefs, spewed by you unsympathetic harridan
Compassion shrouded, even for stricken doll
Blessedly, progenies of yeti obviated thy vitriolic indoctrination.