The Mystery Of The Drum Roll

I was intrigued the other day to hear the sound of a drum roll emanating from my neighbour Mike’s house.

Sitting in an easy chair in my dining room, this resonance distracted from me from drafting the Executive Order for Donald Trump’s signature to put Leeds United back in the Premier League. That might sound ridiculous, but I thought I’d throw it out there anyway as it’s no more chuffing stupid than some of the actual Orders being signed!

At this point, a myriad a questions entered my erratic mind as to the reason behind this noise, which ordinarily accompanies an act of suspense or daring do.

Image result for drum roll

Was it part of his son Dan’s drum lesson which he has on occasion? Or was there more to it than that?

Mike wasn’t thinking of re-joining the Circus de Soleil, was he?  Could it be that the drum roll was associated with him acrobatically practising his trapeze act in the living room of chez Wells?

Had my forty-something mate finally got around to using the magicians set bequeathed to him by Santa Claus a few weeks back? Could these sonorous reverberations be the accompaniment to Mike sawing his wife, Claire, in half? ……. The drumming having the added benefit of drowning out her screams and the cacophonous sound of the chainsaw.

I’ve since seen Claire driving her car, so if it was the sawing in half trick then it must have gone successfully. Admittedly I only saw the top half of her in the motor, however, as she was driving a unadapted car I’m assuming there was still a bottom half there!

Was this accomplished drum roll being played to signify one of the family cats, Marmite and Marmalade, were about to pounce on an unsuspecting bird from behind a shrub in chez Wells garden?

I didn’t have any definitive answers to these questions. Although, the existence of a trapeze swing in the Mike’s renovated garage, has him re-joining Circus de Soleil as current favourite on the Paddy Power betting site.

His son Daniel is currently being taught the drums by the Leeds based drummer of the successful rock band The Pigeon Detectives. My wife Karen, being the star struck type, embarrassingly knocked recently on number 28 for an autograph during one of his lessons.

Dan kindly signed it and, on returning home, Karen commenting “I don’t know who Daniel’s drum teacher is, but he needs a bloody haircut!”

Mike told me that he’d recently offered to cut the drum teachers hair, as a thank you for the time he’d invested in his son’s lessons. The Pigeon Detective’s drummer was appreciative of my good mate’s offer, however as Mike has no training in the barbers craft, or indeed ever cut anyone’s hair in the past, he politely declined.

What is the moral of this inanity? What life changing Ciceronian knowledge are you trying to impart, Gary?

To be honest, I’m not sure, other than to let you know if you need to add to the suspense of a existential circumstance I know where you can get someone to play the drum roll.

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