Gary Strachan – "Write" Said Fred

Off The Wall Essays From Deep Within A Capricious Mind

Tag Archive for ‘authors’

Surreal Storyboards

Ordinarily, I don’t take my iPod when I go out for a wander. A reticence born from fears about ‘treating’ passers-by to over enthusiastic singing along with a Coldplay song, or whistling the brass section notes of a Phil Collins track from the album Face Value. Today, though, I took the radical step of accompanying a wander to the post box by listening to a playlist on this little used musical device……. […]

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March, Spring Altogether

I can’t believe the month of March is already upon us. We are now 1/6 of the way through the journey that is 2017. A relatively painless trip so far, apart from having to turn back home in January after Karen had inadvertently left the immersion on. As the cliché goes ‘Time flies’……. Except on a Bank Holiday, when the French air traffic controllers are normally on strike. Ah March….. A time […]

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Non-Quantitative Easing

Thankfully, the deeply uncomfortable back pain that was my unwanted companion yesterday has eased considerably today. Subsequently this morning, milder curse words accompany the less intense twinges I’m experiencing during sudden lumbar movements, in particular during the act of sitting and rising. As a result of this improvement, every time I experience the distress encountered during sharply manoeuvring my spine, the naughty word that rhymes with duck (I used frequently yesterday) has been superceded […]

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The Mystery Of The Drum Roll

I was intrigued the other day to hear the sound of a drum roll emanating from my neighbour Mike’s house. Sitting in an easy chair in my dining room, this resonance distracted from me from drafting the Executive Order for Donald Trump’s signature to put Leeds United back in the Premier League. That might sound ridiculous, but I thought I’d throw it out there anyway as it’s no more chuffing stupid than some […]

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“You Catch More Honey With Flies!”

In a narrative I wrote yesterday, I spoke of my overt scepticism surrounding the topic of old wives tales. During that mini diatribe, I carelessly omitted to touch on the comedic value of misquoted tales of folklore. As I find the mixed up delivery of these words of legend inherently funny, it was something I wanted to rectify in todays offering. An acquaintance of mine can be regularly relied upon to raise a smile with his inadvertent garbling of folklore musings, metaphors and idioms. There […]

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The Poor Man’s Alexa

This morning my wife and I had a sojourn west to the White Rose Shopping Centre (WR). It was an edifying venture to the premier retail mall in South Leeds (source – fictionalsoundbites.com ). It was at this retail utopia that, amongst other things, I inadvertently learnt the meaning of the word edifying during a random scan of a dictionary in WH Smith. Let me be clear, I don’t ordinarily […]

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Two Celtic Laments

Shortly before the festive period, my parents won a large joint of beef in their local Conservative club Christmas draw. It was only second prize, but they deemed it preferable to the first prize of tinsel wrapped souls of the working class. I had the honour of being present at my mater and pater’s residence during the December delivery of this beast. Despite them preparing me to witness the biggest arrival since an exhausted stork […]

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