T-Shirt Clad Winter Tales

Todays weather forecast is that there’s going to be a snow blizzard in Leeds this afternoon.

Blimey there’s nothing to this weather forecasting malarkey. Keeley Donovan and Paul Hudson, you guys get money for old rope…….. Incidentally, If you also receive remuneration for new rope give me a shout, as I’m currently refurbishing a schooner.

With spending my formative socialising years in Gateshead, Tyne & Wear, I’d like to think I’m slightly hardened against the colder days bestowed on us by northern England’s unpredictable wintertime meteorology.

Countless t-shirt clad winter evenings in the 1980’s, wandering between Newcastle’s Bigg Market pubs meant I eventually became somewhat desensitised to sub-zero temperatures.

I’ve not lived in the north east for thirty years, so I’m not sure if it’s still the case up there now. However, back then social drinking while donning jumpers and coats was frowned upon by your peers.

Being practically cryogenically frozen by inadequate clothing coverage, wouldn’t spare the abuse you’d receive if you arrived at The Pig & Whistle in a sweater or anorak. Being on the fringes of hyperthermia was the unwanted fashion we all followed but, if truth be told, didn’t warm to (pardon the pun).

In that era I didn’t ordinarily spend my Saturdays suffering from a hangover. Generally, my daylight hours recovery  would be defrosting by the living room radiator.

At 4pm when I was finally at room temperature, I’d have a hearty tea before going back into Newcastle to subject myself to another evening of arctic temperatures. They say you can’t safely freeze the same item of food twice for risk of poisoning. With this in mind, I was at least re-assured I wouldn’t be a victim of cannibalism.

This resulted in my 1980’s winter weekends being predominantly spent in a vicious circle of alcohol, inappropriate clothing, near hyperthermia and defrosting.

Now firmly entrenched in middle age, I could no longer expose myself to that level of freezing temperature induced suffering.

I joked above about being cryogenically frozen during winter’s nights out of yore. With my diminishing circulation, I think If I attempted such stupidity now I’d probably succumb to the aforementioned body preservation procedure. A fate endured by Woody Allen’s character in the 1970’s movie Sleeper.

In that movie he wasn’t defrosted until 200 years after his preservation treatment, resulting in his severe disorientated on being thawed. On the plus side, despite being unused for two centuries, his Volkswagon Beetle car started first time.

Image result for woody allen volkswagon

I wouldn’t like to be frozen for as lengthy a duration as Allen’s character. If that changes, though, I’ll be heading straight to the local Volkswagon dealership prior to undertaking this process. After all, I’ll be in need of a reliable vehicle when I’m thawed out!

How will I spend my afternoon as the Great West Yorkshire blizzard of 2017 takes a grip on our bustling metropolis? I’ve not decided yet, but I suspect it will be watching the snow flutter from the comfort of a chair in my Leeds home….. One thing is certain, it definitely won’t be dressed in a t-shirt and jeans wandering the pubs of Newcastle’s Bigg Market.

Hopefully, I’ll be home from transporting my dad to his oncology institute appointment prior to this unwanted disruptive weather reaches our domain.

Incidentally, it’s now 4.30pm and there is no sign of snow in this part of Leeds. Perhaps I did a disservice to Ms Donovan and Mr Hudson, this weather forecasting isn’t that easy after all!


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