Gary Strachan – "Write" Said Fred

Off The Wall Essays From Deep Within A Capricious Mind

Tag Archive for ‘weather’

Let It Snow!!

This morning, upon my arrival at the breakfast table, my mother announced forecasters were predicting imminent adverse meteorological conditions in the north of England. Exposure to snow, high winds and risk of polar bear attack just some of the unpleasantness apparently heading the way of us northerners.  I’m assuming her source was a qualified weather forecaster, not an unreliable prophecy from old Joe from the East Ardsley Conservative (Connie) Club. […]

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Baltic In The Baltic

I woke this morning relieved to find yesterday’s unforgivingly icy breeze had abated. This glacial wind rendering my body heat as frigorific as temperatures experienced during 1980’s nights out on Newcastle’s Quayside and Bigg Market. A deeply uncomfortable coldness not abetted by being bereft of a coat, even in sub-zero temperatures. Sartorial stupidity that ensured that most Friday nights I’d be baltic in the Baltic (a pub on the city’s Quayside […]

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Unreliable Forecasts

I’m unsure which weather app my wife Karen utilises on her smart phone. I do know, though, I’d love to live under the wall to wall sunshine which, on a daily basis, it promises to West Yorkshire’s residents. Predictions which, frustratingly, this summer have proved to be the very antithesis of what Zeus has actually bequeathed to the largest English county’s populous. Ma femme in convinced that the app isn’t […]

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Words That Nearly Rhyme With Microscopic

This morning, GJ Strachan awoke to solar rays, a fresh breeze and mystified why he was clad in a Scooby Doo fancy dress outfit. Although tired and distressed after watching Leeds Rhinos capitulate against Wigan yesterday evening, I’m pretty sure I retired to my slumber pit adorning my usual nighttime attire – A Piers Morgan onesie. Anyhow, as I’m pushed for time, I’ll leave that riddle to the animated hound […]

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A Pain In The Water Butt

This morning, there’s a spherical amber vision just about identifiable through West Yorkshire’s hazy cloud cover. This sight, scarcely witnessed of late courtesy of the seemingly endless attendance of foreboding nimbus aerosols, a token Zeusian gesture to remind UK citizens we’re not hallucinating. It is indeed summertime! The god of the skies, perhaps sending us a timely reminder that “Yes, I know it’s summer and I’ve no problem furnishing you […]

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His Name Is Rio

Meteorological inclemency may’ve spoiled a multitude of Bank Holiday plans for our sceptred isles populace, however the shrubs and bedding plants providing natures kaleidoscopic bounty in my garden have benefited no end. Looked through my dining areas bay window the euphorbia, aquilegia, forget-me-nots, forsythia, rhododendrons, azaleas et al seem to have doubled in size they were prior to the weekends relentless precipitation. Continuing to avert my gaze outside I can […]

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The George Bailey Years

I’m fairly reliably informed Leeds’ afternoon meteorological guest will be April showers. Precipitation no doubt welcomed with open arms by fields of arable crops and domestic spring flower beds. Flora and fauna whose exposure to almost uninterrupted Easter holiday sunshine exposing them to aridity akin to a human’s palate after ingesting ten Jacobs crackers in swift succession. I say fairly reliably informed in the previous paragraph as if truth be […]

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