A Guy Down The Chip Shop Says He’s Liam

Seventy two hours or so after West Yorkshire enjoyed four days of unbroken sunshine, I awoke this morning to witness Blighty’s capricious meteorology gods had bequeathed this corner of God’s own county a covering of snow.

Although forecast, this move to the other extreme of weather’s spectrum seemed unthinkable on Saturday when, in 20c degree temperatures, I was grilling sausages on the barbecue. Those balmy days of last weekend the very antithesis of elements arriving today as March’s dusk falls.

As a result of the elements swift return to wintertide, my front grass’s currently enveloped with a coating of alabaster hued snow….. Either that or Oasis frontman, and one time coke head, Liam Gallagher sneezed on my lawn overnight during a rare visit to East Ardsley.

Actually, coming to think of it, I’ve no idea if Liam’s trips to this village on the Leeds/Wakefield border are rare. For all I know, he might come here loads to satisfy a craving for one of Binks the Butcher’s magnificent pork pies, or perhaps procure a portion of fish and chips from Main Street’s excellent chippy…… Or indeed both!

On the flips side, Liam mightn’t ever been serendipitous enough to’ve visit this pleasant place on the border cusp of two major Yorkshire metropolises. Consequently, the singer maybe utterly oblivious to the charms of a place where late comedian Ernie Wise was schooled.

Incidentally, I’ve just googled the words ‘Liam Gallagher East Ardsley’. Unfortunately, this didn’t confirm either way how often, if ever, rock’s bad boy had tarried to this little piece of England. Consequently, I’m unable to enlighten you further how often, if ever, the youngest Gallagher brother’s trademark Manc walk has been witnessed down Cherry Tree Lane.

So now you know….. Or, actually you don’t, do you!

“Fish and chips with scraps, our kid.”

Anyhow, I don’t think it’s forecast to warm up any time soon. Hopefully, though, with massive energy price hikes hitting the UK proletariat from tomorrow it won’t be long before temperatures are pleasant enough to once more fire up the old barbie…… Or even a new barbie. As long as it cooks sausages I don’t really care how old the bloody thing is.

To be honest, if prices for gas and electric steeple as high as predicted then, not only will yours truly be utilising the barbecue for outdoor grilling, I might have to use the flaming thing (excuse the pun) to keep warm!

Many people criticise this government for prevailing hikes in the cost of living. However, with my penchant for endeavouring to take positives out of any situation, I have to say things could be infinitely worse. After all, at the regime’s head could be an entitled, lying, opportunistic and out of touch chancer….. Errrrr, hold on a minute!

As an aside, yesterday someone felt moved to inform me “Tomorrow’s another day, Gary.”….. And do you know what, they weren’t wrong.

Anyhow, I’ve just received through my letterbox a leaflet flyer advertising upcoming events in the East Ardsley area. According to the marketing blurb, Liam Gallagher’s due to play the local working men’s club in April. Although that bit I written in biro so perhaps tomfoolery is at play.

Right, I must dash as, if the gig is genuine, I need to secure tickets before they sell out……. “Maybe I don’t really want to know how your garden grows, ‘cos I just want to fly. Lately did you ever feel the pain in the morning rain as it soaks you to the bone….”

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