Gary Strachan – "Write" Said Fred

Off The Wall Essays From Deep Within A Capricious Mind

Spoof News Stories

Parody news articles

Ten Years Younger?

Yesterday evening I decided to remove my beard. Consequently, for first time in many months I’m smooth of visage whilst I wander the avenues and alleyways of Leeds 15….. An unremarkable feat, admittedly, but if you bear with me I’ll explain why I felt moved to mention it. Incidentally, when relaying I’ve removed my beard I’m referring to shaving hair follicles from my ruddied face. Not that I’d taken the […]

Continue Reading →

Starry, Starry Night

Thursday turned out to be a fairly unremarkable day. My existential contributions confined to penning a daily narrative, along with chauffeuring Mrs Strachan senior for her weekly food shop at the White Rose Shopping Centre. Nightfall saw the day’s quiet ambience, which had brought a serenity and inner calm to my erstwhile troubled soul, sadly acquiesce to sporadic outdoor noises of boom, boom. A seemingly endless cacophony which deeply annoyed my wee […]

Continue Reading →

Isolation of the Lambs

According to viking legend, mares eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy, a kid’ll eat ivy too, wouldn’t you?…… Or was that the advocacy of songwriters Milton Drake, Al Hoffman and Jerry Livingston?…… I best research that before posting. Anyhow, regardless of who came up with the adage, on a writing foundation course I recently attended this maxim was among debate subjects. During this discussion, a […]

Continue Reading →

Pigeon Full English

During today’s breakfast, I was greeted with views of five wood pigeons feasting on the berry strewn pyracantha situated at the starboard side of my garden. As these birds and I dined, me on baked bean covered crumpets and the avians on the evergreen shrub’s orange fruit, it struck me what miserable birds pigeons are. A conclusion I was drawn to by, despite them partaking of a free feed, they […]

Continue Reading →

Hope Springs Eternal

I’ve just returned from my inaugural visit to The Springs Retail/Entertainment Park at Thorpe Park, Leeds. A wondrous emporium of clothing, food and coffee provision, bequeathed to this fair metropolis by our corporate masters, innovative architects and a cosmopolitan cast of craftsman. Men who’ve worked around the clock, missing numerous Leeds United games on TV and the ending of drama The Bodyguard, allowing us access to goods our forefathers could […]

Continue Reading →

Wand’rin’ Star

Summer 1976 – Recollected by many for wall to wall sunshine in the UK, the Montreal Olympic Games, Jimmy Carter/Gerald Ford’s nominations in the US presidential election and the end of the Cod War between the UK and Iceland. For me, though, I recall it as an era my existence took an unwelcome path for which I was woefully under prepared. Suddenly I’d been robbed of the angst-free days of […]

Continue Reading →

Fifteen Minutes?…. I Only Got Two, Warhol!

Unless they introduce a ‘Best Performance Stood In A Green T-Shirt With A Collection Bucket in M&S’ category, it’s an event that’s unlikely to secure me a BAFTA nomination. Nevertheless, I thought I’d make you, my discerning reader, aware that brief clips of an interview I did with a ‘Made in Leeds’ TV reporter are currently being sporadically shown on the local Freeview channel. My fleeting TV debut featured in […]

Continue Reading →