Non-Quantitative Easing

Thankfully, the deeply uncomfortable back pain that was my unwanted companion yesterday has eased considerably today.

Subsequently this morning, milder curse words accompany the less intense twinges I’m experiencing during sudden lumbar movements, in particular during the act of sitting and rising.

As a result of this improvement, every time I experience the distress encountered during sharply manoeuvring my spine, the naughty word that rhymes with duck (I used frequently yesterday) has been superceded by a word that sounds like hollocks.

I know there isn’t such a word as hollocks, but I used it as not being in possession of a proper rhyming word for bollocks……. I wanted to avoid using the word bollocks, but I used it anyway (twice)…… Bollocks!! (make that three).

Yesterday afternoon, my wife Karen lovingly offered to help treat the afflicted area of my lower back . Despite the well meaning gesture from my spouse, I was pretty sure putting creosote or Cuprinol on the afflicted area wasn’t a treatment with any remedial qualities. With this in mind, I politely declined her offer.

As an alternative attempt to assist, she rubbed Voltarol pain relief gel onto the tender lumbar area. Or, at least, she would have done if there had been enough left in the tube. This didn’t put her off her mission to help her stricken husband mind you,. Instead, unbeknown to me, administering toothpaste as a placebo treatment.

I’m not convinced of toothpaste’s muscle relaxant benefits, but at least my chances of developing plaque on my lower spine have diminished.

Image result for back pain

One thing I did find beneficial at easing my discomfort, along with mitigating against the injured spinal area ceasing up, was walking.

Unfortunately though, despite making me more comfortable, walking around my living room for thirty minutes had a down side.

This aimless meandering while wearing my shoes, resulted in carpet erosion adjacent to the fireplace of an extent that I now have an indoor crop circle.

In hindsight, a walk outside might have been a loss destructive option. Either that or it may have been prudent of me to just not wear shoes indoors.

When I was young I listened to the radio waiting for my favourite song. When they played I’d sing along, it made me smile………. The previous two sentences make up the first verse of The Carpenters serene lament Yesterday Once More. I have included this in my meander around Poor Grammarsville as it was one of the tracks I listened to during the height of my discomfort yesterday afternoon.

It was one of the songs present on an Apple Music list of calming musical tunes, which I played as a strategy to distract me from fleeting bouts of excruciating pain.

It actually did have some benefit initially, however on hearing The Clashes single Bollocks We’ve Run Out of Voltarol reverberate from my bluetooth speakers the good work  was undone……. Apologies for the fourth use of the word bollocks, make that five!

As I alluded to earlier, although still uncomfortable, thankfully I’m not in as much discomfort now. As I draw towards the dawn of this narrative, I have the far more fragrant companions today of fruit gums and a glass of water.

A vast improvement from yesterday, when my unwanted associates were paracetemol, a Voltarol placebo and the selected utterances of from a profanisaurus.

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