In a rare act of spontaneity, my wife and I had an impulsive drive to Roundhay Park this afternoon.

The trip a result of the midday spousal question of “What do you fancy doing this afternoon?…… Either a trip to Roundhay Park, or watching Find You A House that Isn’t Shite on the Reality channel, followed by Judge Rinder.”

I don’t think I’ve ever got from the armchair in our living room to the driver’s seat of my car so swiftly!

Once inside the cold vehicle, I started my engine while waiting impatiently for my missus (Karen) to lock up. Not only was I keen for my wife to get a move on, but I also aimed some brisk language at the car heater; instructing it to shift itself and take the edge off the unforgiving chill inside my Vauxhall Astra.

When Karen eventually perched her backside in the front passenger seat, she puzzlingly inquired “Well then. What do you want to do?”

“What do you mean?” I questioned, baffled at my betrothed was talking about.

“What do you fancy doing? ……  Going to Roundhay Park or watching Find You A House that Isn’t Shite on the Reality channel, then Judge Rinder.” she re-iterated her question from earlier.

“Is it not obvious with the fact I’ve climbed in the car and started the engine?” I inquired of my quirky spouse.

“No!…… You didn’t answer…… You just rudely walked outside without responding to my initial question!” she tersely proffered.

“Well unless we are gonna watch Find You A House that Isn’t Shite on the Reality channel and Judge Rinder in the car, I’d say I gave a pretty broad hint at my preference when I climbed inside and started the engine!” I sarcastically argued.

“You might have wanted to watch the two shows in the car……. How was I to know? You didn’t respond to me.” Karen countered bewilderingly.

“Why the chuffing hell would I want to watch two shows I dislike in a cold car parked in our drive?!….. Especially when I could watch it in the warm house if that option had been my preference.” I continued to argue, while further cursing the car heater for its tardiness at warming the vehicle interior.

“I don’t know…… You are very random!” she countered.

“I admit I’m random but not to the extent whereby I like to freeze my bollocks off watching a TV in the car that’s parked on our chuffing drive!” I hit back irritably.

“Look, don’t get arsy with me, Gary. If you’d have responded to my earlier question in the house there would have been none of this misunderstanding.” my wife blustered, reacting irritably to my earlier sarcastic jibe.

“What misunderstanding?…… I still maintain that as I climbed into the car bereft of a TV, it was blatantly obvious my preference was to go to Roundhay Park!” I pointed out, longing for this surreal conversation to end.

“You could have watched it on your phone.” Karen interjected, apparently determined to have the last word in all this nonsense.

“Ok, we’ll agree to disagree!” I informed my wife slightly more calmly than I’d been earlier, in an attempt to put the whole surreal episode to bed.

My wee missus didn’t respond, which I took as her agreeing to drop the topic. With a welcome silence, I reversed out of our drive, arriving at the impressive north Leeds park fifteen minutes later.

Once inside the park, the winter scarcity of perennial colour and leaves from deciduous trees didn’t detract from the aesthetics or calming affect of Karen and my pedestrian stroll.

It wasn’t warm by any stretch of the imagine however, as far as I’m concerned, being numb with cold is better than watching daytime TV.

Don’t take my word for it, though, just ask British explorer Morton Klutz. Apparently, his main objective for his expedition to the Antarctic in the 1990’s was to escape from wall to wall Richard & Judy.