Pen On Pen

In the thirty years I worked in IT I engaged with some very erudite individuals. People who’s technical wherewithal was/is so vast, if they chose to journal their information technology knowledge they could probably fill a large white swan.

I’d like to clarify at this point I’ve never worked with, or indeed met, anyone whose ever written on a swan of any size. I added a large white swan to this lexilogical canvas merely to set up a series of erratic gags later in this piece.

In my late teens I did work with a Gateshead lad who’d written his early-life story on a badger. With him using a black pen it was difficult to read in places, not to mention bloody inconvenient when the badger kept dashing off mid chapter. Credit the guy, though, by having the badger stuffed on it’s passing, he now possesses an eccentric autobiographical record to present to his grandkids.

Personally, there’s no way I could fill the plumage of a white swan with my IT knowledge. If I added a long non-IT related introduction, accompanied by a glossary of terms, I might be able to cover the outside of a duck. The glossary would probably be error strewn, especially the acronyms, but with my target demographic being non-techies who read literature written on a duck’s back I’m sure it won’t really matter.

The British Library, which is reputed to own a copy of every book written, would no doubt baulk at having my word-filled duck residing within it’s cavernous walls. Although they have copies of Katie Price’s offerings so you never know……. On the very remote chance you ever read this Katie, I was only kidding. I’m sure your tomes are a fantastic read…… Certainly better than this random bollocks!


Although, I met some great people over those thirty years, I was never enamoured with an IT role or working shifts. I stumbled into the job of computer operator when I was unable to muster interest in avians rendered with my literary genius. When my kids came along I became over reliant on the shift-allowance, so with four mouths to feed, clothe and shelter I stuck with IT.

So if your reading this Jonny and Rach (Jonny – Rach won’t be, so tell her for me), I worked a shift role in an occupation I wasn’t keen on because of you two…… I hope you both feel guilty!

Only kidding you couple of berks, the joy you have brought me more than compensates for the resultant deep rooted bitterness and ingrained insomnia…… If you don’t accept my apology and still feel the need to berate me, join the queue behind Katie Price.

Although, I wasn’t overly enamoured with the role of computer operator or latterly incident manager, the three companies/institutions where I was employed/am still employed have been good to me.

With regards my current work situation, despite being absent for a while, I’m still under contract at the financial institution I joined in 1996. Like everyone, what the god’s of our future (Dear Deirdie and Judge Judy) have in store is unclear.

My daughter Rachel tells me she has developed the powers of foresight since her move abroad. She can clearly see that at no stage in her time in Canada will she read any of my blogs.

I was told last week “You’re only here once; let your hair down and enjoy yourself!”. I appreciated the doctors advise, but it still didn’t make the trip to the Micklefield Vasectomy Clinic any easier.


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