To Vote Labour, Dial 0891….

There’s a saying that turkeys don’t vote for Christmas. However, if they’re watching the current uninspiring party campaigning for next months UK General Election, perhaps they’re starting to think it’s a option worth considering.

As an impartial observer, contemporary electioneering appears to have evolved into not what the respective parties can do for you or the country, moreover a plea of “Vote for us as we wouldn’t be as inept as the other idiots”.

It’s quite a clever really; after all not giving any real policies on parliamentary matters the victor can’t be accused of going back on their election manifestos. An act that, of course, they would never stoop to!

When I vote it’s under sufferance. A move born out of respect for the men and women who fought for the proletariat’s right to vote. It’s certainly not driven by any backing of one of the insipid options currently at the electorate’s disposal.

My indifference about this General Election exacerbated by the likelihood it’s going to be the most one-sided contest since the Road Runner was pitted against Wile E Coyote.

The only realistic opposition to the government, Labour are surely  weakened by the fact its leader, who has the strong backing of party members, seemingly receives nowhere near full support from his own MPs.

Of the others, there isn’t anyone with a chance of outright government of the UK. After the last election Lib Dems had less Members of Parliament than there are players in a football team……. Unless, perhaps if you put ex-Leeds men Norman Hunter, Jack Charlton, Billy Bremner and John Giles in the same team now under current refereeing edicts. In that scenario there’s a fair chance the football side would finish the game with less players than there are Lib Dem MPs.

The Lib Dem leader Tim Farron seems a nice enough bloke; who appears to talk a lot of sense. However, from a purely personal perspective, the fact I can never remember his name (I’ve just had to google it) perhaps indicates, for me anyway, he doesn’t leave quite the mark required for PM.

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What is it we want from the next government at a time of Brexit, increase in extremism on both ends of the political/religious spectrum and the sabre rattling of powerful nations?

Even though it underpins everything in our existence, are the voting masses really that interested in, or indeed understand, politics?

In our times of the need for instant gratification and the voyeuristic ogling of reality TV, how long before our General Election votes are cast on a £1.50 call/text on a Saturday night TV show?……. A broadcast where results are announced at the end of the show by Davina McCall; following the latest song from John Legend and a commercial break.

A show that ends in this sceptre isle being led by a Cabinet consisting of  X-Factor and Britain’s Got Talent contestants, who represent either the left wing Geordie Shore Party or The Only Way is Essex Party to the right.

It sounds ridiculous (and it is), but when I’ve finished this narrative I’ll be straight on the phone to pitch my epiphany to Simon Cowell……. If it’s deemed capable of getting better viewing figures than Strictly Come Dancing, I wouldn’t write off this ludicrous suggestion just yet.

Anyway, enough of this self-indulgent political nonsense.

Please be aware there are a number of our parties to vote for other than the one’s I’ve mentioned above. Party names are available online and at Binks butchers in East Ardsley.

Right, I must dash……… Incidentally, has anyone got Simon Cowell’s phone number?

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