“…… As my anger shouts – at my own self doubt,
So a sadness creeps – into my dreams
When you’re scared of living – but afraid to die
I get scared of giving – and I must find the faith to beat it”
Prose penned by singer/songwriter Paul Weller in his melodious solo track Above The Clouds. Whilst fighting to remain afloat with a metaphorical anvil secured around my ankles, this reflective soliloquy encapsulates my mood recently. With the leaden weight evermore energy sapping, I frantically strive to keep my visage above the water line.
I’ll beat it, I always do; however, this current forged steel nemesis appears more durable and tenacious than it’s predecessors. Consequentially, I will need to exhibit greater endurance and stoicism to slay this foe.
Apart from writing, outlets are currently at a premium. As much as I like gardening, when it basks in second place of your existential enjoyment list it’s indicative of the necessity of a new distraction.
When I was in my brother Ian’s company at the weekend, we had the following verbal exchange regarding potential new pastimes:-
Ian (Concerned and attempting to help me with my conundrum) – “Why don’t you climb a mountain, Gaz?”
Me – “To be honest, I’m not really into climbing, E.” …… E is name I use for my bruv as a shortened version of Ian.
Ian – “You might enjoy it, bro…… I know someone who loved it!”
Me (Foolishly) – “Who’s that then?”
Ian – “Former mountaineer, Sir Chris Bonnington.”
Me (Bemused) – “You don’t know Chris Bonnington!”
Ian (Pedantically) – “It’s SIR Chris Bonnington, Gaz….. Show some respect for a knight of the realm!”
Me (Firmly) – “Ok then. You don’t know SIR Chris Bonnington!!”
Ian (Attempting to clarify) – “I do, bro. I saw him only yesterday.”
Me (Disparagingly) – “You didn’t see Chris ….. Sorry, Sir Chris Bonnington yesterday, you lying get!”
Ian – “I did Gaz!…. Honestly.”
Me (Cynically) – “Where the chuffing hell did you see Sir Chris Bonnington, yesterday?….. Climbing Mount Pelaw?…… Scaling Birtley Ridge?”
Ian – (In his usual calm manner) – “No, Gaz…. I saw him on his self-help DVD ‘Mountain Climbing Is Loads Better Than Gardening’.”
Me (Rudely) – “Seeing Sir Chris on a DVD can’t be classed of knowing him, you berk!”
Ian (Arguing) – “It can if the DVD is dedicated to you.”
Me (Exasperated) – “Is Sir Chris’ DVD ‘Mountain Climbing Is Loads Better Than Gardening’ dedicated to you?”
Ian (Sheepishly) – “Errrrr…… No!”
Me (Irritated) – “Well what the bloody hell are you talking about?”
Ian (Countering) – “I was making a point that your opinion, ie watching DVD’s doesn’t make you pally with it’s star, isn’t always correct.”
Me (Further exasperated) – “Look, E….. You don’t know Chris Bonnington, so if anyone it’s you whose point is misleading!”
Ian (Pedantically) – “It’s SIR Chris Bonnington, Gaz!……Remember, respect bro!”
Me (Getting evermore irate) – “For f***s sake, E!….. I don’t give a chuff if he’s a knight of the realm…… My point is about you not knowing the legendary mountaineer. Which, despite your dissension to the contrary, remains valid!”
A period of ten seconds silence then ensued, prior to our Ian calmly enquiring:-
“So, have you made up your mind if you’re gonna take up mountain climbing then, Gaz?”