New Outlet Sought

“…… As my anger shouts – at my own self doubt,
So a sadness creeps – into my dreams
When you’re scared of living – but afraid to die
I get scared of giving – and I must find the faith to beat it”

Prose penned by singer/songwriter Paul Weller in his melodious solo track Above The Clouds. Whilst fighting to remain afloat with a metaphorical anvil secured around my ankles, this reflective soliloquy encapsulates my mood recently. With the leaden weight evermore energy sapping, I frantically strive to keep my visage above the water line.

I’ll beat it, I always do; however, this current forged steel nemesis appears more durable and tenacious than it’s predecessors. Consequentially, I will need to exhibit greater endurance and stoicism to slay this foe.

Apart from writing, outlets are currently at a premium. As much as I like gardening, when it basks in second place of your existential enjoyment list it’s indicative of the necessity of a new distraction.

When I was in my brother Ian’s company at the weekend, we had the following verbal exchange regarding potential new pastimes:-

Ian (Concerned and attempting to help me with my conundrum) – “Why don’t you climb a mountain, Gaz?”

Me – “To be honest, I’m not really into climbing, E.”    …… E is name I use for my bruv as a shortened version of Ian.


Ian – “You might enjoy it, bro…… I know someone who loved it!”

Me (Foolishly) – “Who’s that then?”

Ian – “Former mountaineer, Sir Chris Bonnington.”

Me (Bemused) – “You don’t know Chris Bonnington!”

Ian (Pedantically) – “It’s SIR Chris Bonnington, Gaz….. Show some respect for a knight of the realm!”

Me (Firmly) – “Ok then. You don’t know SIR Chris Bonnington!!”

Ian (Attempting to clarify) – “I do, bro. I saw him only yesterday.”

Me (Disparagingly) – “You didn’t see Chris ….. Sorry, Sir Chris Bonnington yesterday, you lying get!”

Ian – “I did Gaz!…. Honestly.”

Me (Cynically) – “Where the chuffing hell did you see Sir Chris Bonnington, yesterday?….. Climbing Mount Pelaw?…… Scaling Birtley Ridge?”

Ian – (In his usual calm manner) – “No, Gaz…. I saw him on his self-help DVD Mountain Climbing Is Loads Better Than Gardening’.”

Me (Rudely) – “Seeing Sir Chris on a DVD can’t be classed of knowing him, you berk!”

Ian (Arguing) – “It can if the DVD is dedicated to you.”

Me (Exasperated) – “Is Sir Chris’ DVD ‘Mountain Climbing Is Loads Better Than Gardening’ dedicated to you?”

Ian (Sheepishly) – “Errrrr…… No!”

Me (Irritated) – “Well what the bloody hell are you talking about?”

Ian (Countering) – “I was making a point that your opinion, ie watching DVD’s doesn’t make you pally with it’s star, isn’t always correct.”

Me (Further exasperated) – “Look, E….. You don’t know Chris Bonnington, so if anyone it’s you whose point is misleading!”

Ian (Pedantically) – “It’s SIR Chris Bonnington, Gaz!……Remember, respect bro!”

Me (Getting evermore irate) – “For f***s sake, E!….. I don’t give a chuff if he’s a knight of the realm…… My point is about you not knowing the legendary mountaineer. Which, despite your dissension to the contrary, remains valid!”

A period of ten seconds silence then ensued, prior to our Ian calmly enquiring:-

“So, have you made up your mind if you’re gonna take up mountain climbing then, Gaz?”

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