It’s April Fools Day.

As a consequence today will be littered with inane pranks, silly stories and tiresome practical jokes…… In other words, it’s business as usual at maison de Strachan.

I find some practical jokes quite funny, such as filling hollow Easter eggs with toothpaste. However,, with Easter still a fortnight off our modest domain is currently bereft of chocolate eggs, so that prank will have to wait for another year.

I’ve got to say, though, I’m not a fan of unimaginative and lazy pranks. In particular the type that are blatantly not true and have no chance of fooling the attempted victim. Or not one with a modicum of common sense.

I refer to stuff like someone exclaiming “Come quick Gary, an ostrich has just run off with your mobile phone!”

It’s so obvious that an incident like that just won’t happen; as such I find it incredibly lame……… It’s the practical joke that’s lame by the way, not the ostrich after injuring itself during the escape with my mobile……. The ostrich didn’t exist remember.

April Fools’ Day, sometimes called All Fools’ Day, is of uncertain origin. The only thing historians are certain of is the celebration didn’t start as the result of an ostrich stealing a mobile phone.

There is a school of thought that the day celebrates the changing from winter to spring and less inclement weather. It is said in the early 19th century the 1st April used to be called ‘Thank F*** it’s Not As Parky Outside Day!’……..  That was changed, though, after it was deemed too wordy, not to mention highly inappropriate by Victorian Britains.

Currently perched on the table beside me is a book titled ‘Don’t Forget to Sing In The Lifeboats’. It is a weighty tome that consists of hundred’s of philosophical sayings. A gift from Christmas past….. To clarify, not a gift from the Ghost of Christmas past, he always gets me socks. This publication came courtesy of a late uncle of mine.

I’m not sure who’s left this hardback compilation of esoteric musings on the dining table. I know my wife Karen was looking for a recipe book earlier, but surely she wouldn’t have mistaken a book titled ‘Don’t Forget to Sing In The Lifeboats’ for a tome containing directions to create a culinary masterpiece.

If she did, I dread to think what we’re having for tea tonight!

The aforementioned book contains many pearls of wisdom, such as “Don’t leave your mobile phone unattended near ostrich’s.” Seriously though it is full of philosophical jewels.

An example of which is “If you want to catch more fish, use more hooks.” An epiphany attributed to an American football coach.

Another pearl of wisdom from this journal states “If you want to catch more fish, the number of hooks are irrelevant. Go where the fish are plentiful.” Sage-like words from a Canadian Ice Hockey coach.

Within the pages, another entry advises “Ignore fishing advice from American and Canadian sports coaches. They talk out of their arses!” The erudite thoughts of a Croatian basketball coach.

I’m not a fishermen, however if I do ever don a sowesta, wellies and rod, I will bear in mind what the Croatian basketball coach advocates in this tome.

Right, I need to dash. A bloody ostrich has just run off with my mobile phone!