Yesterday, my son Jonny asked me for advice about starting a role in a building where I worked for around 20 years. This state of the art structure is home to a financial institution where I’m technically still employed; but for personal reasons have been absent from for a while.
My boy’s role is completely different to what I did, so I couldn’t give advice about the job he will be undertaking. However, as I know his new boss and most likely other individuals he’ll engage with on a day-to-day basis, he asked about the culture at his work residence for the next six months or so.
I paraphrasing, but below is roughly how our tongue in cheek exchange panned out…… NB.. For the purposes of anonymity, I’ve given his new boss the pseudonym of Arnold:-
GS (me) – “My first piece of advice is don’t tell anyone I’m your dad!”
JS (my son) – “Don’t worry, I’m gonna tell everyone my dad is TV chef Ainsley Harriot and my mum the Scottish diva Susan Boyle.”
GS – “I understand the Susan Boyle deception as you look like her, but Ainsley Harriet is black. With your pale skin, I’m not convinced your new team will buy that.”
JS – “Potentially, but it’s better than letting them know you’re my old man!”
GS – “Lying to your boss and his team on your first day isn’t a good start…… Arnold is renowned for not tolerating untruths from his team about having celebrity fathers.”
JS – “Ah…… cheers for the heads up, dad!”
GS – “A few years back he let a lad go for claiming his dad was Basil Brush.”
JS – “How did Arnold find out this lad was lying?”
GS – “Because the kid wasn’t a puppet fox, you chuffing idiot!”
JS – “Is there anything else my new boss frowns upon, dad?”
GS – “Evidently, he’s not keen on his team having lunchboxes bearing Power Rangers or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles stickers….. He deems it unprofessional.”
JS – “I best make sure I use my blue Mr Men box then!………. Arnold’s on a career sabbatical soon; do you know if his replacement will also disapprove of using Powers Rangers and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle lunchboxes?”
GS – “Who’s his replacement?”
JS – “I don’t know yet.”
GS – “Well how the chuff can I say if his replacement will have the same thoughts as Arnold if I don’t know who it is!…. You berk!”
JS – “If I’d have known the replacement’s name, would you have known their introspection of the team using Powers Rangers and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle lunchboxes?”
GS – “What’s introspection mean?”
JS – “Thoughts.”
GS – “What was the question again?”
JS – “If I’d have known the replacement’s name, would you have known their introspection of the team using Powers Rangers and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle lunchboxes?”
GS (sheepishly) – “No!”
At this point the telephone line fell silent, only to be broken when I told my boy:-
GS – “Right I’m off, enjoy your first day at your new work place…… Don’t get too nervous….. Unless Arnold’s replacement is a lion; in which case I’d make excuses to miss team meetings and one to ones!……. Hopefully, what I’ve told you will prove helpful in some way.”
JS – “Cheers dad…… I’m sure it’ll be invaluable!”
