I Kid You Not!…. Well, Maybe Just A Bit!

It’s April Fools Day. Consequently, we’ll have a day littered with inane pranks, silly stories and tiresome practical jokes…… In other words it’s a dozen or so hours of business as usual at maison de Strachan.

I find some practical jokes whimsical and innovative. For instance, yours truly was amused when hearing of a prank an acquaintance plans involving presentation of a hollow Easter egg gift filled with toothpaste…….. That being said, if today she employed that form of horseplay with my chocolate egg, I’d be bloody furious…… Or on any other day thinking of it.

I’m not much of a fan of the ill thought out and futile pranks.  By this, I’m referring to the words of whimsy which clearly absurd and untrue. Jests which have no chance of fooling the attempted victim. For instance, a misguided wag exclaiming “Come here quick, Gary!… An ostrich has just run off with your mobile phone!”…… An incident which obviously won’t happen, rendering it an utterly lazy and lame prank.

Footnote – Although, I guess one should never say never…. Or indeed two shouldn’t say it either!

Incidentally, it’s the practical joke that’s lazy and lame, not the ostrich after injuring itself during the escape with my mobile……. The ostrich doesn’t exist remember!


April Fools’ Day (sometimes called All Fools’ Day) has uncertain origins. The only thing historians can posit with any real certainty is the beginnings of this mirthful celebration wasn’t consequential of an ostrich stealing a mobile phone.

There’s a school of thought this day celebrates the changing of seasons from winter to spring; the less inclement weather coinciding in raising individuals spirits and mischief levels. 

One legend suggests during the early 19th century this day bore the dubious nom de plume of ‘Thank F*** it’s Not As Parky As It Was Outside Day’……. However, after German puritans deemed it too wordy and contained unnecessary. cursing, its title was changed later that century.

Personally, though, I’d take such unreliable old wives tales with a pinch of salt, advocating there’s little to indicate this tale of folklore bears any basis in fact……… Actually, I’m fibbing – As I’ve just fictionalising this tepid hooey myself, I can proffer with utter certainty the previous paragraph bears not one jot of truth.

Yesterday, while embarking on a dry run of my own inane April Fools pranks, I advised a good friend the pages of Jamie Oliver’s Italian menu book were produced from recycled lasagne sheets. Unsurprisingly, she was having none of this spurious pasta reclamation yarn……. That being said, she’s remaining open-minded about the factual truth behind my equally ludicrous lie that the tome’s braille version incorporates folios borne from recycled penne!

Further Footnote – Perhaps after my absurdity I should change that to a former good friend, who seems a lot more standoffish since my failed prank.

It seems to me that April Fool’s Day holds a higher profile in contemporary times; with individuals seemingly bearing a greater desire to undertake whimsical pranks. I suppose with a zeitgeist of COVID-19 and soaring cost of living, today’s horseplay maybe a sight for the populaces sore eyes…..  Or, indeed, a sound for their sore ears.

During my childhood in 1970’s Gateshead, I don’t recall individuals being as keen at  spending 1st April indulging themselves with ill-thought out fibs like “Come quickly, Gary!….. Your Spangles are on fire!”……  Or “Blimey, Audrey Kennedy has just seen Spiderman in Bert’s Pie Shop on Low Fell. Apparently, he asked for a mince-pie instead of steak & kidney as he’s allergic to kidney!

Further Further Footnote – Your Spangles are on fire isn’t a euphemism!…. Although, as Spangles weren’t flammable, I’ll admit it was an ill thought out example for use within this prose.

I’ve vague recollections of being told as a child that you can only allowed to pull these lame pranks up until midday on April Fools Day. I’m unsure if that still holds true……. Actually, I need to dash. An ostrich has just run off with my bloody mobile phone!

Oi, come back with my phone you long legged get!!!”

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