You’ve Missed A Bit, Gary!

It’s Sunday morning and the weather has finally got its act together. It’s good to look out onto my garden and see this meteorological change resulting in the daffodils, primulas, grape hyacinths and forget me nots taking on an altogether more upbeat body language.

There is a kaleidoscopic display on show in the borders this spring morn. A veritable cornucopia of colour that not only makes one marvel at the majesty of nature, but als how the hell did these plants get there, as I hadn’t flipping planted any!

I’m sure I can hear the distant echo of dialogue, such as “Pass me the sun factor 20 cream please, hyacinth!” and “Will you do me a favour primula and turn your iPod down. I’m trying to chill here!” reverberate around this compact garden in Leeds 15.

On the left hand side of the garden one of my neighbour’s cats appears to be scrutinising the wood fencing I treated last week. He is a stickler for detail and will no doubt flag any anomalies on my part.

A cat inspecting wood staining workmanship

Cat 1

After a thorough inspection, the black and white moggy approached me at the window and mouthed “Not a bad job, Gary. Although, if I was being pedantic I’d say you’ve missed a bit on the panel near the honeysuckle. You’d be better using a gravitt next time!”

He then added “Those plants don’t half make a commotion! That primulas iPod is far too bloody loud; it’s also the first time I’ve come across a talking daffodil?!”

I had no idea what a gravitt was so nodded, smiled and rushing off to google it.

This is one of the images google returned from the word ‘gravitt’. I assume the cat is suggesting I get her to do the wood treatment next time!


I can’t disagree with the feline’s sentiments, but I need to get on with my writing, so turn my attention to the inside of my home, in particular the lounge/dining room.

Downstairs dans maison de Strachan is very tidy this morning. It’s amazing how tidy a house can look when you dust, vacuum and polish instead of being sat on your arse watching box sets on Netflix.

In our lounge area, Karen is using my iPad to surf the internet. She is looking at recipes for me to make a meal that’s not cooked in the box, after my disastrous culinary attempt yesterday evening……. How the hell was I supposed to know you shouldn’t oven roast corn flakes in their box?!

I’m only kidding I’m not that rubbish at cooking, I’ve never cooked corn flakes. Well, not unless you count barbequing as cooking!

During a recent chat with a friend, they asked what my signature dish was. That surprised a tad me as we were talking about football at the time.

“I’m not sure if I have one. Why?!” I asked my friend curiously.

“I’m bloody starving! You wouldn’t make me a sandwich, would you?” was his response.

“We’ve no bread, I’m sorry! Do you like Corn Flakes?!” I countered responsively.

“As long as they aren’t oven roasted in their box, I do!” he replied.

corn flakes


Another contributing factor in the current cleanliness of the home is that our daughter, Rachel, has been away in China all week.

She flies back today and I have to admit I’ve missed her. It’s just not the same when she’s not here. Her mum is too placid, meaning I’ve no one to argue with and no one to tell me on a daily basis they don’t want what I’ve cooked for tea (she’s not a fan of corn flakes oven baked in a box either).

Right, I’m off to don my painting clothes and put right the fence treatment oversight highlighted by next doors moggy.

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