A Ha’pputh of Slack

In the absence of a desk, I generally write my monologues sitting at the table in the dining area of maison de Strachan.

During times of inspiration, I sit enthusiastically typing at speed before I lose my thread. This is interspersed with periods I’m bereft of ideas, when I’ll of gawp out the bay window onto my back garden.

I find the light and picturesque surroundings of mon jardin conducive to the whole writing process. The sights and sounds emanating from the yard can be particularly valuable at stimulating a much sought after epiphany.

writers block

If you’ve ever read one of my narratives where I referencea next doors mischievous cats, garden birds, along with the flora and fauna adorning the borders, you can bet your bottom dollar that I was struggling for a topic at that point.

On occasion I’ll play background music, which can be similarly inspirational. This morning I was sat listening to the reactionary musical poetry of ex-Smiths frontman Morrissey on my Bluetooth audio speaker.

Laments of such melancholy and misery Alexa dialled the Samaritans during the second song. Unfortunately for her were engaged meaning a choice of more Morrissey via ‘on hold’ music or hang up. Alexa hurriedly ended the call!

Today it wasn’t so much a lack of inspiration that distracted me. My concentration was frequently affected mid prose by the sight of a large Galaxy Ripple Easter egg within my peripheral vision.


This interference to my creative thoughts taunted me, as if to say “Forget about that Marmite on toast, Gary! …. I’m a far more appealing breakfast option!…… Go on eat me instead, Gaz! …… Oh and can you change that bloody music, Morrissey’s songs really bring me down!”

I fought hard to resist these imaginary Easter egg inducements. My thoughts firmly set on remaining disciplined, along with how wrong gorging on an Easter egg for breakfast.

It’s fair enough if you’re an excitable young child, but not when you’re an unexcitable middle aged man with a beard…….. I’m not sure why I added the ‘with a beard’ bit to that last sentence, as it’s not relevant. Unless of course your eating one of the Galaxy ‘Beard Range’ Easter eggs, then it might be!

Chocolate Easter eggs from the ‘Beard Range’

chocolate beard

To aid with my self-restraint, I tried thinking of strategies to fight my early morning chocolate urge. I also mulled over how the hell my mind thinks up things like ‘Beard Range’ Easter eggs. Perhaps my dad is right and I’m not right in the head.

“Come on Gary you can fight this!” I kept telling myself. However, I did so in Hindi so I’d no idea what the heck I was saying. …… You can add that to the rap sheet my dad set up to back his theory!

In my mother-in-law’s divinity classes she teaches that “It’s better to have a ha’pputh of slack than be noddily noo!” I’ve no idea what the hell it means so can’t say if this definitively relates to sacrificing chocolate eggs, but I thought I’d share it with you anyway.

It’s apparently a ‘catch all’ old wives phrase that originated before time began. No one fully understands what it means, so it’s versatility as an addition to most conversations is invaluable.

It’s worth remembering the phrase if you’re ever stuck for an answer to a tricky question during a business meeting, chat down the pub, asked an opinion on a subject you know little of, or just talking about fighting the urge to eat Easter eggs.

Anyway, enough of my procrastination, not to mention balls to all this self-discipline, I’m off to trough my Galaxy Easter egg!

Don’t forget “It’s better to have a ha’pputh of slack than be noddily noo!”


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