Chronicle for Katelan

I’ve a topic request for today’s blog. Well, that’s not strictly true as it was the style of writing, not the actual subject matter within the paragraphs, which I was asked to alter for this post.

The request coming from my Ossett squeeze Sarah’s youngest daughter Katelan who, during a literary critique of my penmanship, mentioned she generally skim read my essays due to not knowing the meaning of many words within the text.

Despite this uncertainty of some of the words, Brookster the younger claims she still got the gist of the tales I pen. Irrespective of this, yesterday she requested I write today’s offering in a style where she’d understand all of the words chronicled.

Footnote – Regardless of K’s assurances she can follow the blog’s narrative despite inclusion of ‘bigger words’, she thought my last blog (relating to my. recent house move) was about ostrich farming in Somerset. Subsequently indicating she’s perhaps not followed the plot line as closely as perceived.

Being a responsive fella who likes to keep his readership happy, I agreed to ‘dumb down’ the wording on this narrative. Pointing out to Sarah’s twentysomethibng daughter I’d write this piece in crayon.

Sadly, as my website providers editing software (that’s the thing that allows me to write and amend these words, Katey) is minus crayon font functionality (it won’t let me produce work in that format, K) it isn’t a promise I can fulfil.

However, I did promise to format my blog text in layman’s terms…… In response she advised me to not do that, just write in words she’d understand.

I’d like to make it clear at this point that old Katers isn’t thick, the young lady is merely quirky. Also, I’m sure there’s a perfectly good reason she reads the Cheerios cereal box upside down at breakfast time.

Incidentally, that’s the cereal box which’s upside down; KK doesn’t stand on her head while consuming the first meal of the day (or indeed any other meal)….. Well, unless the cereal container is the right way up, in which case I’m led to believe she does.

So anyway, what do I include in layman’s terms (errrrrr….. I mean words Katelan understands)….. Perhaps, I should give the reader an insight into KK’s life wither partner Simon and beautiful month old daughter Gracie.

Simon works as an engineer, predominantly with agricultural vehicles such as tractors, combine harvesters and molehill flatteners. A very affable (that’s friendly, Katelan) fella his hobbies include playing cricket, drinking red wine, not washing his socks, collecting engine oil under his fingernails and saying “Is it your round again already, Gary?!!)….. The latter ‘hobby’ his cynical pub-time strategy for taking advantage of my frequent middle-age memory lapses.

I’d like to think I get on well with Simon. With yours truly also a (former) club cricketer, quaffer of vino and reluctant sock washer, our likeminded approach to life a huge factor in this rapport. I’ll give the collection of engine oil under my nail a miss though.

A lover of horses, Katelan’s hobbies predominantly revolve around equestrian life. The twenty something pair owning their own horse Fendi; a splendid Welsh breed horse who they show on fairly regular occasion.

Incidentally, when I say they show Fendi, I’m referring to the fact the young couple pit their beloved horse against other gee-gees at equestrian events. Yours truly not inferring they wander into their local Asda with their equine; strolling the aisles exclaiming to shocked customers “Have you seen our horse he’s a right f***ing belter, isn’t he!!”….. Well not that I’m aware of, anyhow….. I’m sure such eccentric boasting would reach my ears via local news bulletins.

To close, I want to make it clear to Katelan (if she picks up this sentence during the skim read) that my playful jibes are whimsical terms of endearment. The jocular paragraphs are certainly not meant in a disrespectful way.

You and your family have welcomed me into your brood’s fold with open arms. I could never repay your mum for the liver damage and all the new swear words I’ve learned since I met you all. As someone with very little family left alive or in close proximity, I’ll be forever in your clan’s debt for adopting me as one of your own.

Seven years ago by an elderly woman informed me that one day I’d meet an amiable close knit family whose great passion were horses….. This came as a big surprise as I’d not gone to visit a medium; I was in the queue at the local butchers buying pork chops for the family tea!……She was right, though!

That being said she was less accurate with foresight stating one day I’ll write prose which’ll be so good people would no longer feign bilious attacks when asked them if they wanna read it.

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