My Baby’s Three

Yesterday morning I received a surprise when arriving at the breakfast table to be greeted with a smile and a cordial “Hello!” from my diminutive other half.

The surprise wasn’t the cordiality of Karen’s greeting, moreover the fact we had a kitchen table. We didn’t have one when I retired to bed the previous evening!

“Well then. What do you think?” my spouse chirpily inquired, while pointing at the cereal laden table.

I tried to play it cool and responded “To be honest Karen, I wanted marmite on toast.” ……. (Other vegemite products are available; likewise recipes with bread).

“No not the breakfast cereal. I meant the new table.” she attempted to clarify through a hail of fire and brimstone manifesting from behind her. A startling occurrence leaving me to conclude that either my wife had gone over to the dark side overnight, or I’m gonna have to get that bloody boiler fixed.

“It’s ok, but how come you bought the table without telling me?” I inquired, failing miserably to muster enthusiasm for the purchase.

“It’s your Easter present.” Karen advised, looking less than impressed at my lukewarm response.

“I’d have preferred an Easter egg.” I sarcastically countered.

“How ungrateful…… You’re behaving like an overindulged child…… I’ve a good mind to kick you up the arse.” my spouse admonished.

“I’d also prefer an Easter egg to that option!” I replied, pouring further scorn on her choices for my Easter present.

“Do you want me to take the table back, then?” the diminutive Durham lass queried in a conciliatory manner, which my behaviour hadn’t warranted.

“No, it’s fine….  I’d just have liked to be part of the decision making process.” I proffered.

“Do you want me to put you a couple of slices bread in the toast?” my selfless other half queried lovingly.

“Your Easter present choices are getting worse!…… Easter egg, remember!” I further teased.

“Pillock!” spouted the Mrs,  before wandering toaster bound to load the Hovis.


A chocolate table (below) – Both functional and tasty

chocolate table


A little later in the morning the topic returned to food as I approached Karen preparing a piece of filleted cod. I’m not sure what she was preparing it for but by the look on it’s face it wasn’t good news!

With tongue very firmly in cheek (as it was rhetorical) I questioned “What’s for dinner tonight, Karen?”

“Fish” she calmly countered without making  eye contact or admonishing me for my blatant child-like sarcasm.

“Won’t we be having fish on Friday?” I queried, surprised we’d be having the dish twice in the same week.

“Of course, We have to have fish on Good Friday. It’s bad luck to eat red meat on that day”

There is something endearing, sad and ironic about the fact she still adheres to all of the ‘good/back luck’ superstitions, despite being incurably ill. Call me cynical, but I’m sure many people would have a different mind-set under her circumstances.

I’m pretty convinced there are many previously superstitious individuals in Karen’s situation wouldn’t subscribe to good or bad luck folklore.

I’m sure they wouldn’t think twice about walking under a ladder, firing a silver bullet at a clove of garlic or shoeing a horse if they see a black cat!” …… Other superstitions are available ……. And they aren’t made up or mixed like the one’s above!

My wife, though,  maintains her beliefs in these superstitions – Not wishing to run the risk of additional bad fortune.

Anything that aids my brave spouse to deal with her awful situation is fine with me. I don’t have to agree with her beliefs, just support her coping mechanisms.

cod and chips


My blogging site is three years old today. As it heads toward it’s fourth summer the literary odyssey has become a big part of my life. Particularly, as it  aids coping with the more challenging circumstances my family live with.

In fact, I’d say I’ve grown so fond of it that it’s now like one of the kids. Thankfully, not one who constantly asks for money, lifts and a Man Utd strip. (The blogging site’s a Man City fan…. Chuffing glory hunter!)

In a bid to understand the scale of my writing sojourn, I’ve accumulated a few stats from this three year journey. These include:-

Blogs Written – 1,067
Site hits – 31,579
Site hits that weren’t me – 17 (joking!)
Highest hits in one day – 341
Bags of cola bottles eaten when writing – 712
Cups of coffee drank while writing – 271

Thanks to everyone whose took the time to visit the site since the publication of my inaugural blog three year ago. I really appreciate your time and support.

Write said fred

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