Gary Strachan – "Write" Said Fred

Partly fictional chronicles of whimsy

Don’t Panic!

dont panic

On the 23rd December Panic Saturday will be upon us.

A recent inclusion in the festive calendar, I have it on good authority it’s the moniker bestowed upon the last Saturday before Christmas Day.

A godforsaken few hours in retail purgatory, that would be worthy of entry in a contemporary re-write of Dante’s Inferno. An inclusion in an updated western version of the tome which relays the nine circles of hell, which these days would possibly include the likes of Wifi-loss, kebab famine, damaged cell phone and PPI claim calls.

In the last decade or so, we in the UK have started titling certain days of the year in this way. Up until a few years back we’d not experienced the ‘joy’ of Black Friday, Panic Saturday, Cyber Monday, Soccer Saturday or Stuck Behind A Dickhead On The M1 Tuesday ……. OK then, Sky Sports TV show Soccer Saturday has been around a while.

I’d imagine, like lots of these perennial rituals we Brits adopt, they originated in the US. Apart from, of course, Stuck Behind A Dickhead On The M1 Tuesday, which is called Stuck Behind A Jerk On The New Jersey Turnpike Tuesday on the other side of the pond.

Whose epiphanies are these novel calendar entries? What’s the decision process for their inception? Whose remit would it be to rattle that sabre, ensuring full engagement behind the project from his/her troops. Rousing the underlings with something akin to :-

“We haven’t got a special day in the calendar for a Thursday. Hence forth the third last Thursday in April shall be called Dairy Product Thursday…….. A day to raise dairy awareness, where ordinarily placid British food shoppers are encouraged to scrap over ridiculously low priced cheese, yogurt, milk and cream….. Now get onto it you lazy b******ds I want it implemented by April 2018!”….. Or motivational words to that effect.

Are these epiphanies the brain child of top creative brains at an advertising agencies? Ideas men and ladies who, amidst intensive brain storming sessions in Ideas House, have calendar ritual eureka moments that change the world, or at the very least improve corporate balance sheets.

Ideas House – The HQ of UK Creativity where great minds don’t think alike, and you can’t leave the building until you think of another meerkat themed commercial, or idea for a money spinning themed day……. If your epiphany is about a money spinning meerkat theme day, you get the next day off and 500 Nectar points.

Anyway good luck to however thinks up these themed days. Our lives are enhanced immeasurably as a result of your creative foresight…… Do me a favour, though – Please stop with the meerkats, or at the very least make them funny again!

I’ve got to get off now; time to ring Ideas House with my epiphany of Meerket Monday!

 

 

Categories: Blogs, fiction, humour, parody

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