“Well, my Aunt Edith saw me do it!”

If you do not follow my regular self-indulgent (although sometimes insightful) postings on social media, you will not know I recently had my first sale from my Etsy store ‘GaryCatures’. An online retail outlet peddling copies of original caricatures I started drawing in COVID lockdown.

These cartoon depictions an amalgam of stars from the movies, TV, music, sport, literature, philosophy, and shoehorn balancing. The latter drawing one a little know entertainer, Greg Howitt who holds the world record for counterbalancing 24 footwear levers upon his nose tip.

Sadly, or perhaps deservedly, Howitt’s accolade does not appear in the Guinness Book of Records (GBR). Evidently, GBR editors will not include any record-breaking claim which was not verified by their adjudication team.

Apparently proffering “Well, my Aunt Edith saw me do it!” is insufficient proof for the allegation’s inclusion in the iconic book co-founded by the McWhirter twins, in 1955… A claim made even less believable when it materialised Howitt never had an Aunt Edith.

Despite the unreliable verification of the claim, the Dewsbury man’s quirkiness, and bare-faced cheek, moved me to draw Greg Howitt in cartoon form. Him having extremely pronounced facial features, which gave him the look of a caricature anyhow, making it one of my easier artistic projects.

Pondering the shoehorn balancers ‘accolade’ makes me kinda wish I possessed a great love and skillset for a pastime with which I could make a worthy stab at entering the GBR. I am thinking a noble and worthwhile act, which most importantly doesn’t involve eating 4,000 hamburgers in 10 minutes.

Although one day writing an acclaimed book is an ambition of mine, I have no real desire to feature within the pages of any journal for being the best in the world at something worthless. Such as some of the more idiosyncratic folk within its leaves. For example, I would not want to be known as record-holder for coaxing the most mice into a top hat by tooting a duck whistle. 

This pointless, altogether underwhelming Pied Piperesque, trick achieved by Roland Beenie in 2017… That being said, it did secure Roland a decent role within Rentokil which cheered him up when the GBR refused its entry after learning he’d used a flute not a duck whistle.

What world record would I want to achieve that would by worthwhile, perhaps noble and make a difference to people’s lives for the better. As opposed to being undertaken to merely augment my ego.

I am not sure. Early thoughts are:-

Aim to break the record for ridding the largest number of residential homes from carpet urine (or carpurine, as no one else knows it) in a 24-hour period.

Re-home more rescue cats globally in six hours than a forty something spinster. 

Become the first person to watch an hour-long interview session by presenter Richard Madeley’s without uttering “What an insincere, feeble-minded, cock-womble this bloke is!”

Anyhow, as is my want, I have digressed away from my intended topic of writing about my inaugural Etsy shop sale.

Accompanying the 200+ sketches drawn, I enclose a quote the subject has either spoken in real-life or as a character they have portrayed. The utterances predominantly of an inspirational or comedic nature… Pearls of Wisdom like Basil Fawlty’s “Happy, Oh yes I remember that!”, Fraser in Dads Army’s “We’re doomed… Doomed I tell ye!” , or Greg Howitt’s “Well, my Aunt Edith saw me do it!”

Admittedly, I have only sold one of my drawings as things stand. That being said, I can rightly claim someone, somewhere, was impressed enough with a piece of my art they were prepared to shell out their hard earned on to secure a print.

Now, if only I could think of a worthwhile and ground-breaking act that will catapult me into the Guinness Book of Records, I’ll die a happy man.

Oh f*ck it, it is nearly lunchtime, I am gonna go try and eat 4,000 hamburgers in 10 minutes!!… That will prove all you sceptics wrong! 

Actually, I’ve just consumed three burger and I am full already!… Oh well, back to the old drawing board!… Not to be confused with the new drawing board, an office accessory which bizarrely is older than the old drawing board!

Footnote – If you wish to scour my Etsy store, perhaps looking for a quirky Christmas gift, it goes by the name of ‘GaryCatures’.

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