After last night’s pleasant evening with my beau Sarah’s family at a Batley restaurant, this afternoon I’ll be Scarborough bound, once again taking up domicile at the site where my campervan currently resides.
Footnote – Before proceeding, please take time to absorb the prose in paragraph one… After all, it will be one of the few times in your life you’ll read, or hear, the words pleasant evening and Batley in the same sentence… Only kidding Batley folk!
The reason for this clan get-together was to celebrate the first birthday of Sarah’s granddaughter Gracie. A few hours where four generations troughed Italian fare, chewed the fat (I knew it would be a mistake to try fat as a pizza topping) and exchanged favourite parmesan cheese anecdotes… Yeah, the latter sounds banal and idiosyncratic, but you had to be there!
During the clambake, Gracie’s father Simon once again displayed his prodigious appetite by eating three main courses… In fact, so gluttonous was his gorging on Neapolitan fare, at the end of the evening his gender changed from ‘male’ to ‘Calzone trapped within a man’s body’… Apparently, he’s updating his passport as I write.
Like every responsible mother on these occasions, Gracie’s mum Katelan strove manfully to ensure the event went without drama, arguments and confrontation… So, she stayed at home and left the rest of us to it!!… Only kidding KK, you put on a tremendous spread. Last night wasn’t it, but I’m reliably informed you did once put on a tremendous spread.
With her upbeat nature and brand-new dress, the birthday girl stole the show. The wee bairn possessing a calling card smile so dazzling it can thaw the frostiest of souls… Even her great aunt Rachel, who is frequently asked to leave her local pub so they can start the Happy Hour, had an uncharacteristic spring in her step.
Great grandma Judith was in great spirits and evidently thirsty. When asked on arrival what she wanted to drink, she responded “I’m gonna drink Batley dry.”… I thought she was referring to consuming a brand of mixer drink, not planning to quaff two bottles of wine! … Only kidding, my beaus mum was the model of sobriety throughout.
For someone with her penchant for chatter, Sarah was fairly reserved throughout the evening. Whether she was on edge due to concerns I would engage in my trademark over the top silliness, or just speaking her mind (only kidding Brooky 😉 ), I’m not party to the cause of this quietness…. One thing I do know, it really f***ed up my hopes of paying for our bill with swear box proceeds.
Sarah’s eldest daughter Kayleigh, partner Liam, son Rory, cousin Jess and yours truly made up or unruly crew.
Like my beau, I was quite restrained with my verbal output as the evening’s plotline evolved. Perhaps her ill at ease demeanour concentrated my mind into not putting her nose out of joint… Or, maybe, I was just saving my silliness until sitting down to write this unreliable review of the night’s events.
Kayleigh who recently returned from showing her horse Charlie at last weekend’s prestigious Hickstead show, kindly gave me an update on the camping gear of mine she’d borrowed during her three days in Sussex… Apparently my sleeping bag, two-man tent and mattress came in really handy when they ran out of firepit fuel on the Saturday night… I was glad to have been of some help.
Liam, who’d looked after Rory while his fiancée ventured south (not a euphemism), stated he was happy to see his beloved girlfriend back… Although was somewhat alarmed at severity of scorch marks she’d received from her makeshift firepit fuel.
Anyhow, in all seriousness, ignore my tongue-in-cheek character assassination, they were all great company during this very agreeable clan rendezvous… Thanks for the invite, folks!
Although, I suspect after this silliness it may be my last!
Happy birthday, Gracie x
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