“I felt like I’d been dragged five miles along cobbled stones by a shire horse named Gloria, who, upon arriving at Wakefield cathedral’s vast wooden doors, sat on my chest as it shared a Costa latte and a natter with her equine buddy Maisy.”
This inaugural paragraph of this narrative my response to a friend who’d inquired what toll a recent affliction of COVID-19 had taken on my mind and body.
“Really?…. I’ve never seen those particular symptoms communicated on the National Health Service’s (NHS) website….. Seems like you got a bit of a rum deal there, Gaz!” came the response of my buddy; who for anonymity purposes I’ll call Teresa Tuba.
“Well, you’re not gonna find such specificity on symptoms on the NHS site, particularly exactly as I reeled out earlier!….. It was merely my whimsical take on the collateral damage suffered during my COVID odyssey.” I pointed out to my chum.
“Well I think you’ve now a duty to get the website symptom section as thoroughly stacked and up to date as possible, Gary!” Teresa was moved to reason.
The Yorkshire lass going on opine “It’d be remiss of you and unfair on people who didn’t realise why they felt like they’d been dragged five miles along cobbled stones by a shire horse named Gloria. Who, when outside Wakefield cathedral’s vast wooden doors had sat on them while sharing a Costa latte and natter with equine buddy Maisy!”
“I don’t agree, Teresa!” I retorted tersely. Continuing “I subscribe to your sentiments. The NHS website should be as accurately populated as feasible….. However, my earlier version of how a COVID experience plays out is merely a fanciful piece of poetry underpinned by creative fiction. A statement which bears little, if any, chance of bearing any basis in fact.”
“Well, personally I think you should contact the website so they can augment the symptoms database with details of your own episode!….. Anything less would undermine the good work IT administrators and data entry staff undertake to maintain forensic accuracy for records of COVID’s many manifestations.” Teresa barked patronisingly.
Exasperated at this line of badgering I proffered tetchily “Look, I’m not going to communicate my earlier comparison describing my experience while in the throes of this global pathogen!….. For one thing it’s far too subjective. It’s merely a whimsical simile; me endeavouring to place a comedic slant on what’d been an uncomfortable few days…… It’s not meant to be taken seriously!”
“On your conscience be it then, Gary!” Teresa sneered. Clearly, her nose out of joint that I’d no intention of following her hare-brained suggestion for augmenting the NHS COVID symptom database with my own personal health encounter.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Teresa!” I barked back in frustration. Adding further ‘Absolutely no one would benefit from me relaying, during COVID’s zenith, I felt I’d been dragged five miles along cobbled stones by a shire horse named Gloria. Who’d, upon arriving at Wakefield cathedral’s vast wooden doors, sat on my chest while sharing a Costa latte and a natter with her equine buddy Maisy.”
“Well as I said, it’s on your conscience, Gary!…… Oh, and why do you keep calling me Teresa, as you know well, I’m called Sarah!” came Teresa’s (errrr…..I mean Sarah’s) brusque reproach.
“I was attempting to afford you anonymity in this blog…… Endeavouring not to highlight the real moniker of the buffoon advocating I distribute flawed informational material. “ Yours truly chirped succinctly.
Before Teresa (Sarah) could respond further, she answered a telephone from a friend. This buddy informing her she’d been ill for ten days; malady which’d only just been unearthed as sourced by the COVID-19 virus.
Her friend going on to confide ‘I just wish I’d known earlier that during COVID’s zenith it could feel like I’d been dragged five miles along cobbled stones by a shire horse named Gloria. This gee gee, upon arriving at Wakefield cathedral’s vast wooden doors, sitting on my chest while sharing a Costa latte and a natter with her equine buddy Maisy…… Sadly, though, those symptoms weren’t on any COVID symptoms website!!”