Little Dog On The Prairie

Substitute Laura Ingalls skipping through a wheat field with the short legs of a Lhasa apso endeavouring to navigate a way through overgrown park grass, and yesterday’s dog walk provided scenes not unlike the iconic starting credits of Little House on the Prairie. The sheer joy on Deano’s face certainly compared with the young girl’s brio filled visage as titles rolled.

I’m late to the party with embracing canines into my life, but it has to be said GJ Strachan’s so happy to’ve eventually learned the cathartic qualities of witnessing pooches exploring local woods/parkland.

Sure, there’s the downside of picking up poop from long grass, or indeed from any surface. However, the childlike giddiness these daily exercise routines impart within your furry friend is a joy to behold.

Although his German Shepherd sister, Zella, is tall enough not to be impacted by unkempt parkland, Deano’s locomotion was severely hampered by the local councils tardiness at grooming these public meadows.

That being said, old little legs appearance of wading through quicksand while navigating the neglected turf didn’t appear to diminish his verve for the outing one jot. Instead, what I witnessed peeping above the overgrown grass blades like a sharks fin was a smiling furry face and trademark Lhasa curled tail. The latter wagging frantically to display my hairy buddies contentment at proceedings.

Witnessing joy on a dog’s face as fulfilling an episode for me as quality time in the company of family, a hearty belch, or Leeds United scoring a goal…… Well, unless it’s a consolation goal in a game they’re already trailing 5-0; something which infuriatingly happened far too often in the recently concluded season. Under that scenario I’d need family or the raucous burp to raise my spirits.

Anyhow, as the dogs are due another walk, I need to bring today’s narrative to a conclusion. Deano (aka Lord Avashight) is, in particular, looking restless….. Alright!…. Alright!….. Keep your hair on you impatient little bugger!….. I bet Laura Ingall’s parents didn’t get subject to this level of impatience when she wanted to go for a skip through the meadow!…… Bloody dogs!!

In lieu of the slightly shorter, dog impatience forced, blog I enclose an absurd James Bond ‘True or False’ round I wrote for a Zoom quiz with buddies….. As ever with these inquiries, the answers are fictional and, for entertainment purposes, written with intentional silliness.

True or False

  1. True or False – Ironically, while in the process of recording her theme song for the 7th James Bond movie ‘Diamonds Are For Ever’, all of Shirley Bassey’s gem laden jewellery was stolen from her West London home? False. Thieves weren’t break into her safe so fled with nothing more than the Welsh warbler’s Tefal pan lid collection.
  2. True or False – With characters ‘M’ and ‘Q’ making habitual appearances in Bond movies, the franchise’s writing team are oft accused of alphabetism for repeated refusals to create a role for ‘H’ from pop band Steps? True.
  3. True or False – Actor George Lazenby was so desperate to land the Bond role after Sean Connery’s initial departure he agreed to a contract paying him with 24 egg sandwiches a day instead of cash? True.
  4. True or False – In his only movie playing 007, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, George Lazenby was rumoured to’ve smelt quite eggy. True.
  5. True or False – The original Miss Moneypenny, Lois Maxwell, was so old when portraying M’s secretary for the final time, in ‘View to a Kill’, as a precaution producers enlisted an embalmer as a makeup crew member? False. Lois was still only in her late 50’s and was as sprightly as ever.
  6. True or False – Evil Ernst Blofeld, who thankfully failed to outsmart 007 during his numerous attempts to take over the world, was similarly unsuccessful during his schooldays when endeavouring to organise protests about school uniform? True.
  7. True or False – CIA agent and long term Bond aide Felix Leiter despised the British agent for always got the girl, while he was delegated a menial task which never got him laid by secret agent groupies? False. Felix was raised in an Amish community which frowned upon pre-marital sex and envy.
  8. True or False – When Roger Moore played 007 his famously animated eyebrows were insured for the equivalent number of Green Shield stamps required to purchase two brow wigs? True
  9. True or False – One of the most iconic moments in Bond movie history, Ursula Andress’ initial departure from the sea in ‘Dr No’ adorning a bikini, was nearly scrapped due to requirements for several time-consuming retakes. These necessary after a misogynistic young camera crew member repeatedly announced “Blimey, have you seen the tits on that?!” as the Swiss actress emerged from the waves. False…. It was one of the sound crew.
  10. True or False – Christopher Quentin, who played Brian Tilsley in 1970s/80s Coronation Street, has never seen 1970’s Bond movie Moonraker? False. He binge watched it on his Betamax VCR during summer of 1980.
  11. True or False – Actress Jane Seymour’s character, the beautiful tarot reader Solitaire, was based upon British astrologer Russell Grant? False…. The characters inspiration was Mystic Meg, a lady who later became TV’s national lottery soothsayer.
  12. True or False – Legendary producer of several earlier Bond movies, Cubby Broccoli, preferred cauliflower to his namesake vegetable? True
  13. True or False – 7ft actor Richard Kiel who portrayed anti-hero Jaws in 1970’s 007 movies ‘The Spy Who Loved Me’ and ‘Moonraker’ isn’t related to the massive shark who copped it in an equally famous 70’s celluloid offerings? False – They’re second cousins on his maternal side.

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