Laundry Laxness

This morning my habitual negligence for leaving stuff in pockets of hoodies/jeans pre-launder reached a new pinnacle. Ordinarily, these faux pas’ result in a tissue, which’s been washed and spun for an hour, exploding within the washing machine barrel.

An episode ordinarily leaving post-wash garments covered with dandruff-like debris. Producing a post-wash landscape similar to what I imagine would play out if a live chicken was amongst the ‘to be laundered’ linen.

Anyhow, this morning, although yours truly managed to avoid any tissue related blunders prior to shutting the washing machine door, I missed the presence of a dog poop bag roll within a pair of dirty jeans. Through this laxness, the aforementioned canine waste sacks inadvertently going on to receive a 40 degree mixed wash.

Consequently, upon opening the washing machine at the spin cycles denouement, I was greeted with a sight of the freshly laundered denim garment wrapped in a string of the coloured bags. A scene, I concluded, reminiscent of an anaconda constricting life out of a warthog prior to consumption.

Footnote – I’ve no idea if anacondas reside in the same domains as warthogs and as such devour them as prey. However, if they did I’m sure they’d be partial to a meal of hog meat….. Unless of course, like some of their human compatriots, the reptile world follow an ideology with strict no pork dietary edicts….. An unlikely scenario, however my ignorance of the facts means I can’t discount that possibility with 100% certainty.….. I can with absolute surety, though, state dog pooh bag rolls don’t count denim jeans amongst their prey!

It’s gotta be said, though, that although absentmindedly leaving a whole roll of poop bags in my jean pocket was slackness in the extreme, at least the wash load’s collateral damage was minimal in comparison the carnage resultant of tissue tardiness.

Sure, I had to untangle the strip of polythene sacks from the constricted denim trousers, along with those bags being no longer fit for poop storage purpose. However, rectifying the consequential damage of that faux pas wass significantly easier than dealing with carnage caused from a wash load including an errant tissue.

The paper collateral damage from such episodes ‘bequeathing’ the victim (ie, the idiot who left said item in his/her pocket) an onerous task of removing hundreds of white fibrils from freshly laundered garments. A time-consuming chore which, similar to the similarly tedious task of wrapping Christmas presents, requires lots of adhesive tape, patience and restraint from cursing.

Anyhow, other than ruining a half full roll of dog poop bags, no harm done.

While my second wash load performs its final spin, I’m currently looking out of the French doors at my rear garden. My landscape including the recently laundered clothing swaying in Monday morning’s zephyr. Contented, I allow myself a wry smile in the knowledge my earlier laxness creating only minimal impact.

Anyhow, I need to go hang up the second load of laundry which’s just finished it’s wash cycle.

Oh for f***s sake, I’ve left a tissue in that bunch of washing!…. How the hell did that happen? After all, there was only a base bed sheet, pillow cases and a quilt cover in that bloody load…. Grrrrrrrrr!!

Right, now where’s that bloody roll of adhesive tape?!

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