Better Remaining Silent?

I’ve been in a mischievous mood of late. While going about my daily existence, this modality manifesting desires to act upon the devilment frequently springing into yours truly’s cognisant mind.

Some of these silly episodes making it past the idea stage, gaining liberty into the ether via the conduit of my sometime ‘shoot from the hip’ gob. These jocular vignettes delivered in my hybrid northern English dialect; their aim to impart mirth and hopefully raise a giggle from those present.

It’s fair to say, evoking laughter imparts me with more fulfillment than anything else in life can…… Well, anything normally undertaken standing up anyhow.

An example of this effervescence a recent discussion where the other party complained of a persistent foot injury. A sprain which, much to their chagrin, hadn’t received the medical care this afflicted lady had wanted or expected.

Being in possession of a caring, responsive and helpful nature, upon hearing of this lady’s conundrum I availed her with the offer “To reduce your waiting time for treatment, if you want I’ll get my brother Ian to look at it for you.”

Raising her eyebrows in excited anticipation that GJ Strachan’s gambit may bring to an end her prevailing ankle issues, she responded “I didn’t know your brother was a doctor.”

With a mischievous grin I pointed out “He isn’t…… He works in the Newcastle City Council housing department….. He’s a caring fella, though, and I’m sure he’d have a look for you.”

Luckily the lady took this silliness as intended, ie harmless fun, and laughed out loud. Mercifully, not resorting to violence, such as unceremoniously hoofing yours truly in the testicles.

Sadly for me, although possibly not the audience of such flimflam, such frivolous notions aren’t always provided the oratory liberty afforded to the above behavioural example. Periodically, dafter directives crossing my mind, especially if the potential ‘beneficiary’ is a stranger, remain clandestine in cognisant recesses.

Under those circumstances a content filter imparts enough doubt about the quip being a good idea to ensure it doesn’t evolve past the idea stage.

For instance on Saturday, while shoe shop in situ, I selected a footwear item from the rack which fit my desired criteria – Well, apart from shoe size. Handing the store assistant this item I pondered inquiring “Do you have these shoes in a size 11?”

Words I thought’d bear a great comedic spin if augmentingthe inquiry with the announcement “I don’t take a size 11….. I’m actually a 9…… However, it’d be good to know in the event anyone I know with size 11 feet wants a pair.”

Perhaps, thankfully there remained enough ambiguity in my mind how such an offbeat, although harmless, observation would be received by the young lady attending to me to abort. Instead sitting down quietly while the assistant wandered into the store room to seek a pair of size 9’s which I’d politely requested without jocularity.

I’d mixed emotions upon aborting the idea. Disenchantment for not having the cahoonas yours truly assumed I possessed in middle age to blurt out something I personally found amusing. However, it was good to know that even when exhibiting this more mischievous side there’s still absurdity barriers which I won’t cross.

In conclusion, there are occasions when late US writer Mark Twain was right with his proffering “It’s better to remain silent and thought a fool than open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.”

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