People Perusing

A Wakefield coffee house is the venue of today’s writing exercise. Sporadic scans show consumer traffic outside is light, sadly inhibiting inspiration ordinarily borne from people watching. 

Apart from a woman two tables away revealing prevailing work woes to a colleague, there is little playing out in the immediate vicinity to whet my creative juices.

The lady in question, in my opinion, relaying her bulletin at an unnecessarily loud volume. Excessive amplification which has made me aware, along with several other caffeine slurpers, that Trevor has not been too well lately. 

Her vociferous chuntering also revealing Jen’s poor work ethic has led to her large assignment backlog, that Bradley needs to up his people management skillset, and Samantha’s tattoo of Homer Simpson is tacky.

Along with other individuals sat within earshot, yours truly does not really want to hear about the woman’s employment irks. I am pleased, though, Trevor’s recuperation appears to be on track. I don’t know him, or indeed the magnitude of his ongoing affliction, however becoming party to any good news warms my cynical heart.

I’m also hoping Jen can find the motivation to make inroads into her processing backlog. Being a glass half full sort of fella, I would like to think her perceived laziness is in fact merely a consequence of undertaking her role thoroughly and methodically… Has that loud woman never heard the tortoise and hare parable?

As someone who undertook people management tasks in a previous life, I’d also like to offer support and empathy to Bradley. Keep going fella and, as the Barnsley Don’t Let The B*****ds Grind You Down Society oft posit, erm…… well, don’t let the b*****ds grind you down!… Oh, and Samantha, what were you thinking?

The gobby boiler is now rabbiting on about a new colleague who bears the quirky name Jedburgh Grimes. Apparently, his Christian name derives from being conceived in the Scottish border town. A conception occurring during his parent’s honeymoon in the area after eloping there in the 1980’s to marry…. Blimey the things you learn while sat in a coffee shop.

Evidently the new boy was conceived in Gretna Green. However, his mother deemed the alliteration implications from naming her child Gretna Green Grimes would expose him to childhood bullying… Consequently, he was baptised with a name from a nearby town… That being said, I don’t imagine bearing Jedburgh as a moniker would have spared him from the ignominy of relentless childhood teasing.

Sat opposite is a heavily tattooed guy who looks like he bears a body art tea cup and saucer behind his right ear. However, as the fella seems too much of an alpha male to pepper his body with ink images of kitchen utensils, I would be surprised if the body art calling card depicts crockery.

Although I’ve no issue with anybody bearing tattoos, GJ Strachan is bereft of such body art. A lifestyle choice which very probably puts me in the minority these days; for adults anyhow. 

Over a century ago heavily tattooed men/women were so rare they appeared in freak shows. These days, though, due to a complete lack of body art I’d possibly be able to secure a berth in such offbeat parades. Yours truly advertised by a PT Barnumesque ringmaster with the sales pitch “Come and see The Amazing Untattooed Man!“….. To be honest, my body hair is so thick I could also probably appear as Werewolf Man… Who says men cannot multitask? 

“Roll up, Roll up. Come and see The Amazing Untattooed Man!“.

The woman suffering from employment discontent and the heavily tattooed fella recently departed the coffee shop. Their seats now occupied by an untattooed middle aged woman and two teenage kids….. Actually, I should qualify the latter by saying the lady has no visible tattoos. For all I know she may have the Bayeux Tapestry inked over her covered body.

Footnote – Other battle scene tattoo landscapes are available.

Mercifully, the family residing at the coffee house table where the loud woman previously sat are communicating at significantly lower volume levels. Which is good news for my overall concentration, although not so favourable when it comes to me sharing their gossip. 

Right, as I am all ‘gossiped out’, I am bring this flim-flam to a conclusion. Have a good one!

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