A Question

To commence this monologue I’ve a question for you, my dear reader. Don’t worry it’s nothing overly technical or scientific; not that you wouldn’t have the erudition to deal with any inquiry I posed, I hasten to add….. Hopefully that disclaimer will cut off any hate mail at the pass.

Anyhow here’s the catechism of which I speak:- In your opinion, knowing she’s driving to work alone, is mischievously texting your girlfriend “How’s the most beautiful woman in your car getting on?” an insult or a compliment?

Yes I knew, upon pressing message send on my mobile device, I’d fired a devilish aside across Sarah’s firm (and still pert) bows. However, I deemed including observations of Sarah’s beauty may’ve bought me a few brownie points with the Ossett lass – Consequently affording yours truly a ‘Get Out of Jail’ card….. Or, to be more specific, a ‘Get out of a Punch in the Face’ card.

Sadly, though, this backhanded and (admittedly) easily misinterpreted compliment wasn’t taken that way by my Yorkshire beau, whose verbal return fire at this unintended slight was to use the potty mouthed vernacular oft employed by dockers.

I could understand such a hostile diatribe in response if, for instance, my text had’ve read “How’s the most beautiful woman in your car?….. Well, as long as no other women are in your car!!”

Such an observation clearly crossing a line, even when proffered with whimsy and with no thoughts the quip had any basis in the truth.

On reflection, though, I guess yours truly is only a misinterpreted mischievous quip away from offending the wrong person, or right person in the wrong mood. Jeopardy of insulting people, no matter of how unintended, one of the risks of being what’s colloquially termed as being ‘a right piss taker’.

Despite my fun poking being totally bereft of egregious intent, the intensity and frequency of my putdowns can oft be the catalyst to a message recipient’s wrath. “Your a good turn, Gary, but you’re on too long!” an observation oft raised by (now deceased) mum after being pelted relentlessly with rotten verbal fruit.

Sarah has calmed down now. Her attitude cooling to the extent she now treats my playful verbal joust in the manner intended. Our spiritual bond re-cemented to such an extent when she showering this morning, I also mysterious got clean. An episode made spookier but the fact I wasn’t in the shower with her at the time, or indeed even the same house….. She was at her own home, four miles from my apartment.

Such strange telepathy ordinarily the ‘gift’ of twins, not partners. For instance Sarah’s son-in-law Simon has an identical twin Nathan. Their bond affords Simon (the youngest by 62 contractions), without any training, the ability to undertake surgery on Nathan’s heart patients.

I don’t know what’s most concerning, Simon’s unaccredited work with the scalpel, or Nathan (who manufactures hat cheese for a living) having a long waiting list of individuals queuing for him to undertake their heart surgery…… The answers probably both, isn’t it?!

Incidentally, I’ll be seeing both Simon and Nathan this afternoon at a summer fest held at the cricket club where they both play. – An event with live music, stall, raffles, bar etc.

Talking to Simon through the week he’s hoping he does better this year in the annual ‘Nathan Look-a-like’ competition. An event he only came second behind comedian Lenny Henry at 2021’s clambake.

Anyhow, I need to ring Sarah to go shower so I get clean prior to dressing ready for this afternoons cricket club shindig….. Laters amigos!

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