Do I Want What?!…..

I’m unsure how the Facebook marketing algorithm targets which advertisements render onto my timeline, however, on the very off chance a member of the company is reading this, I’d respectfully suggest a wee parameter re-tweak to your selection mechanism.

After all, among this weeks material hurdled carelessly in GJ Strachan’s direction have been adverts selling Watford FC merchandise, visits to Anxiety retreats, and a host of baffling cosmetic surgery procedures including a labia reduction.

At one stage of my adult life I may’ve bore some interest in a spell at an anxiety retreat, but not at my current juncture in the ageing process. Also, as a Leeds United FC fan, along with the fact I’ve absolutely no affiliation to the Hertfordshire town, there’s zero chance I’d purchase Watford FC merchandise.

With regards to my interest in a labia reduction, it’s fair to say my possession of an X and Y chromosome, not the two X’s possessed by the fairer sex, means it’s impossible to put myself through such an invasive procedure.

To be honest, even if I was a woman I’d be highly unlikely to volunteer for what sounds like a truly gruesome medical episode; one which’s certainly no topic for the dining table….. And some may posit within the prose of a blog either!

No, the only reduction I’d be interested being strewn across my social media timelines would be the type advising of a utility bill or council tax savings. However, I’m pragmatic enough to realise the chances of those appearing are the same as Lord Lucan knocking on my front door to ask to borrow a cup of sugar.

I’ve just had a quick look on my Facebook timeline and lo and behold my first two adverts since penning the above are for shopping discounts at Tesco food store and buying Leeds Rhinos rugby league team merchandise.

As yours truly regularly purchases comestibles from Tesco and being enamoured by the retro Rhino jersey on offer, it’s heartening to witness that finally I’m being targeted with significantly more suitable FB marketing teasers.

Ordinarily, I’m not one who dips his toe in the conspiracy theory pool, but I find it suspicious a mere ten minutes after complaining about being wrongly targeted with products/services I’d never utilise I’m in receipt of offers for store I frequent. Not to mention sporting merchandise paying reverence to a team I support….. Could Big Brother really be watching us?!….. One thing’s for certain, I don’t bloody watch Big Brother; as far as I’m concerned the shows a steaming pile of cow dung.

I gotta admit, though, yours truly was surprised to see Tesco now offer labia reduction surgery; complete with a bonus of 500 Clubcard points for each patient….. Blimey, talk about a large supermarket chain undertaking unconventional diversification!

Footnote – Quite obviously, or at least I think, GJ Strachan’s claim that Tesco stores provide ‘as you wait’ cosmetic procedures is hooey of the highest order. I merely included the quip to maintain my schoolboy like thread about ladies front bottom surgery throughout the piece…… Will I ever grow up?…… Nah!!

Chuffing hell, I’ve just rechecked my FB timeline and now they’re endeavouring to sell me a Haynes maintenance manual for the Challenger 1 Main Battle Tank….. What the actual f***!!

Anyway, I need to dash as there’s somebody at my front door…… Bloody hell, it’s Lord Lucan with an empty sugar bowl!!

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