Time Served

According to the Sky News article click bait which’s just uninvitedly popped onto my mobile device screen, Britain’s most notorious conman Mark Acklom will shortly be afforded his release from prison.

With my never ending desire to write whimsy, along with mischievousness borne from middle-aged cynicism, exposure to this bulletin heightened my exuberance levels to those of a toddler who’d just eaten 14 bags of Haribo gummy bears.

Consequently, with tongue very firmly in cheek, I immediately questioned the trustworthiness of the piece. After all, with his history of deception and misinformation, I pondered jocularly, if the information’s source was Acklom surely we needed to take this story with a pinch (well, huge pile) of salt.

Concluding further, he could’ve got in touch with the articles reporter to con him out of a few bob for a story exclusive which was (to use a favourite quote of my mum) as far fetched as horse s**t from China. A steaming pile of metaphorical manure which not only topped up the serial fraudster’s bank account, but also provided him with the deception fix he’d been so deprived of for around two years.

Of course, I realise all journalists can be relied upon to thoroughly research all copy they file (cough, cough). Consequently, whoever penned this tale will’ve a vast pile of information at their disposal to shoot down in flames any cynical distrust from the likes of yours truly and my mistrusting ilk.

Taking all this into account, I went on to conclude this Sky News journalistic clarion call would’ve been, as Acklom would’ve told the jury prior to giving evidence in his court case, “…… the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. So help me god.

According to the story, upon his release the serial fraudster will have to live under tough restrictions. Acklom having to declare his earnings, business dealings and assets. He must also close any foreign bank accounts, stop using false names and tell police of his movements.

Edicts I couldn’t help but think, with returning cynicism, weren’t the most robust of sanctions with which to tether a former lying, deceptive, serial fraudster. I maybe misreading the severity of the clauses but, through my aforementioned distrusting eyes, it occurred to me a skilled liar wouldn’t be overly pushed if they wanted to circumvent these seemingly lukewarm sanctions.

That being said, I’m sure Acklom is a changed man who repents acts like conning a woman out of £300,000 through fraudulent activities – Consequently, thoroughly deserving his second chance of liberty.

Good luck to you Mark when you re-enter society after two years rotting in gaol!….. Incidentally, could you lend me a tenner until payday?

As an aside, growing impatient at the slow progress of my lateral ligament healing process, along with endeavouring to boost overall blood flow and muscle health in my legs, I’ve just purchased a Revitive Medic Knee Circulation Booster.

The article in question, advertised by one of my boyhood cricketing heroes Ian Botham, utilising patented waveforms to increase oxygen-rich blood flow to the legs and feet – Relieving aches & pains for greater pain-free walking.

Consequently, the two month long suffering endured from my mobility being hampered hopefully isn’t be too far from resolution. Although never previously using a circulation booster, I’ve every faith in this product peddled by one of my all-time sporting heroes…… Well, if it’s good enough for Beefy, it’s good enough for me!

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