Buying The World A Tash

In a recent blog (A Barking Notion) yours truly wrote of perhaps the most ludicrous comic idea which’d ever meandered my neurological corridors. This absurd epiphany the offering of a false moustache to a friend/acquaintance when next rendezvousing – The act accompanied with a polite inquiry of “Would you like a moustache?”

This notion, when originally manifesting at 5am on Saturday morning, making me belly laugh for several minutes; before me logging onto my Amazon account to procure a pack of 12 assorted fake tashs for £3.99.

Well, you maybe interested to know on Sunday afternoon this dozen fake facial fur items landed on my door mat. An event which now leaves the ball in my court to show whether I’ve the guts to follow through and actually implement this offbeat ruse.

The arrival of these moustaches raising the questions “Right then, Gary…. Youve now got the raw materials to carry out this silly ploy….. Have you really got the balls to pursue this highly eccentric idea?“; “Have you got the cahoonas to risk ridicule if this self-indulgent attempt at whimsy backfires?“; and “Will your middle-aged snook cocking at a world who you deem have never understood you now bear fruit, Strachan?”

I guess only time will tell. I’m definitely keen on proceeding with this nonsense, but I’d be lying to say I’ve no reservations about whether it’s a good idea to afford strangers an opportunity to own a fake tash.

As GJ Strachan inferred in A Barking Notion, I think false moustaches are deeply funny props, especially if worn in unexpected situations – Which when you think about it (unless your playing Poirot or Hitler) would be most situations.

What I loved most about my fake facial fur idea wasn’t just it involved the adorning of these amusing props. It was also the undoubted brio which’d be borne from witnessing the baffled recipients faces at point of bequeathal.

For instance, could there possibly be a more wonderfully comedic scene than offering my dinner guest, along with the order taking waitress, a false moustache while restaurant in situ?….. Particularly if both then decided to wear them throughout my tarry at the eatery.

Footnote – Before accusations of sexism raise their ugly mugs, I wrote waitress instead of waiter because a female donning fake facial hair is, in my opinion, significantly funnier than the act being undertaken by the male of the species.

Of course, I’m the first to admit my tongue-in-cheek plan to raise jocularity levels is incredibly silly. However, would the world not be a better place if we all took time to unexpectedly hand somebody bogus facial hair? ……. As long as it’s undertaken within that particular nations COVID edicts, wouldn’t such an act not begin to thaw even the iciest of folk?

Further footnote – When penning ‘As long as it’s undertaken within that particular nations COVID edicts’ I’m of course referring to how the act fits under a countries overall coronavirus protocols. I very much doubt handing an individual fake fur would itself bear its own specific government legislation.

In the 1970’s, Coca Cola ran a TV commercial in which a bunch of hippies sang “I’d like to buy the world a coke….” to the tune of the New Seekers refrain ‘I’d Like To Teach The World To Sing.”

I’d suggest, though, it’d be folly to think world peace can be attained by the sharing of a soda drink. To my mind, that level of global calm can only be achieved by sticking a bloody big false moustache to the side of the UN building in New York…… Peace secured by the simple act of bringing the world together through laughter at the absurd!

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