A Reassuring Bulletin

I’ve just received an email advising me the COVID-19 test I took yesterday morning, akin to my general outlook on life, turned out to be negative.

To clarify, this communication from the NHS COVID-19 team didn’t comment on my negative existential outlook – That bit was added by yours truly to add whimsy. I don’t believe it’s within the coronavirus notification team’s remit to, as part of the testing process, make an assessment on the patient’s curmudgeonliness.

And to be honest, even though the accusation would’ve held some basis in fact, I’d have been pretty ticked off to’ve received an email advising “Dear Gary, you’ve not got coronavirus. Now cheer up your miserable f***er!”

That being said, I’d have loved it if the email would’ve read “Dear Gary, you’ve not got coronavirus….. Unfortunately, though, we’ve identified you’ve contracted leprosy; so if your leg falls off anytime soon don’t be surprised, or overly alarmed!…… Well actually, you can be alarmed, just not surprised…… Yes, should that particular scenario play out, be very much alarmed!”

That’d be the comedic NHS communication I’d have loved to receive by letter/text to advise I’d not contracted coronavirus…… Well, that’s if it was a joke. If they’d genuinely identified I’d developed leprosy, and was in danger of losing a limb, I’d expect significantly higher levels of professionalism to be in play upon breaking the news.

That being said, even if I’d contracted leprosy, I’m pretty sure a PCR coronavirus test wouldn’t pick up presence of the disease within GJ Strachan; or indeed anyone else. Scientists were up against the clock at developing/testing vaccinations, along with delivering fit for purpose testing protocols.

Even the most incompetent of governments, an accolade many states have fought tenaciously to achieve in the last 18 months, wouldn’t hamper scientific Terms of Reference with a request to ‘And while you’re at it, throw in a leprosy test alongside the COVID testing pathology’.

Such a wantonly idiotic request would’ve significantly delayed the expediency of a coronavirus identification solution…… Saying that, though, I’m no scientist. For all I know shoving in a test for leprosy alongside the coronavirus bits might’ve been a p*ss easy piece of science development/research for a skilled chemist.

With that in mind, I’m happy to admit I’ve no proof that adding a leprosy test would delay the overall expediency of COVID test availability….. However, I’m unwavering with my opinion that including it within the projects Terms of Reference would’ve been a f***ing ridiculous idea!

Anyhow, moving on!……..

I took the decision to have a COVID-19 test yesterday morning after suffering sporadic dry coughing fits during the previous 12 hours, or so. Being a responsible individual living with an octogenarian mother, the search for re-assurance was a no-brainer.

Less than 24 hours after providing a swab of throat slobber and nose mucus (not the most pleasant of tasks, admittedly), I can confirm at the point of taking the test I’d not been infiltrated by coronavirus…… However, as for news if I’ve been afflicted with leprosy, I’ve not got a bloody clue!

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