Yesterday a special friend of mine underwent a minor cosmetic procedure to enhance her lips. She’s not asked me to maintain her privacy, nevertheless, for the purposes of anonymity I’ll call this buddy Mavis Greensleeves of 27 Edelweiss Way, East Climstead, Yorkshire.

Footnote – When I say special friend, I am referring to the place she resides in my heart; not that she’s simple. Not that, even if she was, there is anything wrong with being simple I hasten to add… That being said, though, I’d perhaps not dine out with her as much if she was, say, prone to reading restaurant menus upside down.

Like many individuals these days, Mavis Greensleeves of 27 Edelweiss Way, East Climstead, Yorkshire felt the need to augment her gob’s perimeter with something more pouty. This skilfully applied aesthetic work giving her notorious potty mouth a Monroe-esque (Marilyn not Matt) allure.

After seeing the results of the work carried out by a reputable West Yorkshire clinic, I can honestly say she has morphed into the most beautiful lady I know called Mavis Greensleeves of 27 Edelweiss Way, East Climstead, Yorkshire… Well, she would have if that was her real name and address!

Footnote – To be honest, as she is the only Mavis Greensleeves (MG) of 27 Edelweiss Way, East Climstead, Yorkshire I know, if you’re reading this Mavis, don’t get overly big headed about my backhanded compliment.

Anyway, the main thing is MG seems really content with the minor aesthetic adjustment to her face, and after the procedure spoke enthusiastically about perhaps undergoing further visage tweaks in the future.

Only time will tell which other cosmetic procedures she’d consider. However, I’m hoping one of these adjustments is making her nose smaller. As it stands, her hooter is so big her nostrils are listed in different counties… Only kidding Mavis Greensleeves of 27 Edelweiss Way, East Climstead, Yorkshire!

Re-reading the above paragraph there is a decent chance I’ll require my own facial re-assignment surgery after Mav chins me!… Anyhow, I’ve no room to talk; my conk is so big NASA’s International Space Station crew can allegedly see it on a cloudless West Yorkshire day.

Prior to her procedure, my female buddy asked what my opinion was on cosmetic re-assignment. An inquiry which in candour I responded by revealing yours truly doesn’t have a strong feeling either way. In my book, it’s up to the individual concerned what they do with their own bodies.

Sure, the end product quality of some aesthetic work looks worse than others. However, just because it’s not a process I’d ever likely to embrace, doesn’t lure me down an avenue of judging those who do. I certainly don’t take sadistic pleasure from those whose re-assignments go obviously awry.

As I witnessed Mavis Greensleeves of 27 Edelweiss Way, East Climstead, Yorkshire’s lips via video call last night, I’ve not seen them in the flesh, so to speak. Something which will be remedied on Saturday afternoon after we rendezvous following her return from work.

It has to be said, though, MG’s pout certainly looked an accomplished job over video call, Which, as I need to order a kids bouncy castle, is in some ways a bit of a shame.