Yesterday I wrote a series of absurd questions in preparation or a bi-weekly Zoom quiz with buddies that evening. These three short rounds of five queries covering the arbitrary unrelated topics of adages, old time singer/actor George Formby and icon of 1980’s kid’s TV Metal Mickey.
These rounds of fictional inquiries written with tongue lodged very much in cheek in the style of the preposterous catechisms fired randomly by Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer in their 1990’s parody quiz show Shooting Stars.
Due to days and weeks seemingly merging into one since my early retirement, I mistakenly believed the inquisitorial clambake was scheduled for yesterday evening. However, in the late afternoon yours truly was surprised to learn the next quiz night was in fact Thursday 19th May.
Upon hearing this unanticipated bulletin my first notion was thinking to myself ‘What will I do with my ‘great’ questions?” Of course the common sense answer is, as these aren’t themed evenings, merely utilise these absurd inquiries next Thursday evening.
However, with not wanting to sit on these offbeat queries for seven days, I’ve decided to publish them within the scribed paragraphs of this blog. Please note any question highlighted in bold as true is as bereft of veracity as a Boris Johnson interview…… Allegedly!!….. Cough, cough.
I’ve no idea if my fellow quiz participants read my narratives, so to be on the safe side I’ll write a series of other enquiries for next weeks inquisitorial shindig. Anyhow, below are the 15 ‘True or False’ questions I wrote for what turned out to be this Thursday evening’s non-quiz:-
Adage True or False
- True or False – Last year, while adhering to an adage encouraging one to ‘When in Rome do as the Romans do’, I was surprised to get arrested in Italy’s capital for nipping ladies bottoms and riding a scooter like a lunatic? False…. I was arrested for mispronouncing ciabatta as ciarabatta in a public place.
- True or False – My late uncle Frank ironically advocated to younger family members that ‘Practise makes perfect.’ This despite still being utterly hopeless at the guitar after years training with the instrument?. True
- True or False – You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be led? True
- True or False – Two’s company. Three’s what you’d expect in a Middlesborough home crowd? False…. Unless they reduced ticket prices.
- True or False – The dogs currently living with me thankfully don’t bite the hand that feeds? True…. That being said, the little b*st*rds think nothing of biting my arse though!
George Formby True or False
- True of False – George’s first ukulele was a trombone? False. It was a duck whistle.
- True or False – The gap in between Formby’s front teeth allowed him to whistle so melodically he could converse with chaffinches? True
- True or False – When cleaning windows George Formby used Windowlene to give the glass added sparkle? False. George used good old elbow grease to make ’em shine.
- True or False – In contemporary times, George’s 1939 song ‘Mr Wu’s A Window Cleaner Now’ would likely be classed a little bit racist? True
- True for False – It’s widely known in the catering trade that the George Formby Grill is a far more performant and cooks far more evenly than the George Foreman grill. False… There’s no such appliance as a George Formby Grill.
Metal Mickey True or False
- True of False – Metal Mickey was the eponymous love interest sung about in Toni Basil’s 1994 hit single Mickey? True
- True of False – For breakfast the mischievous robot likes nothing more than Weetabix washed down by WD40? False…. The little metal fella starts the day with eggs over easy on rye toast.
- True of False – The name Mickey was used after show producer Mickey Dolenz? False….. Old oil guzzler was named after Dolenz’s Monkees sidekick Peter Tork.
- True of False – Irene Handl, who played the grandma in the series, was quite a dish before the invention of electricity? True
- True of False – In contemporary times Metal Mickey is one of the presenters on the Moldovan TV’s version of ‘Homes Under The Hammer’? True