Having A Blast

This morning was spent power-blasting the front flagstones of my fragrant buddy Sarah’s front garden. My removal of ground-in muck from flags, stone and mortar a therapeutic maintenance task, augmenting the Ossett lass’ front yard’s aesthetics. Sadly, as it covered her in grime the same can’t be said about Sazington’s looks.

Thankfully, the girl who was the first girl in her childhood village of Gildersome, and possibly the world, to mistakenly use the word bolivious instead of oblivious laughed off being enveloped by visage debris. She did point out, though, if I’d have intentionally plastered her with power jet blaster she’d have “knacked” me.

Whilst removing this grime from jardin masonry GJ Strachan’s capricious neurological corridors received an idea so unexpected that I…… erm…..well, didn’t expect it. My conscious mind’s surprise guest an epiphany of rhyming similarities between the name of jet cleaner manufacturer Karcher was to the title of Chas & Dave’s song Gerchta.

Footnote – To clarify, Karcher’s the manufacturers name of my jet blasting appliance….. Other pressure cleaning products are available….. However as they don’t rhyme with Gertcha I’m unable to link them effectively into this monologue.

After concluding this notion as a creatively fertile ‘light bulb’ moment with potential, I made it today’s literary mission to incorporate the cockney duo’s 1979 toe-tapper as this chronicle’s topic.

Gertcha a refrain with musical roots deep in 19th/20th century London public house traditions of standing around the old Joanna ‘aving a right old knees-up. The melody influenced by rousing sing-a-long songs such as Boiled Beef & Carrots, or its dysfunctional WWII cockney cousin which treated listeners to the merits of hanging out stockings on the Siegfried Line.

Further footnote – For the uninitiated, a Joanna is Cockney rhyming slang for piano….. And, of course, a woman’s name……. And, who knows, maybe even a fella’s name……. Or a dog’s name……. Or a……. Alright, alright, you get it……. No need to bloody shout!

Following further mulling over rhyming links between the German family run cleaning appliance company and Chas & Dave tune, I concluded fate to be a mercurial mistress. For instance, if I’d have used a Bosch AQT 40-13 to clean the garden flagstones and retaining wall, the song POSH may’ve been this morning’s unexpected refrain playing on my cranial jukebox – And subsequently today’s blog topic.

POSH the chirpy song from the musical Chitty, Chitty, Bang, Bang – An upbeat tune where a furry faced cockney (played by Lionel Jeffries) ruefully sings his way through abduction by airship. In contrast to Gertcha, which is an upbeat refrain sung by two furry-faced cockneys who were no doubt relieved they’d not been snatched by zeppelin mid-song.

Anyhow, I digress. and as my masonry cleansing companion wasn’t a Bosch AQT 40-13, I’ll put POSH’s involvement in this journal onto the back burner. Instead continuing to wax lyrical about the moniker similarities between Karcher and Chas &. Dave’s feel good tune.……… All together now…….

Now there’s a word that I don’t understand 
I hear it every day from my old man 
It may be Cockney rhyming slang 
It ain’t in no school book 
He says it every time that he gets mad 
A regular caution is my old dad
Rub the old man up the wrong way, bet your life you’ll hear him say

Gertcha, cowson, gertcha
Gertcha!

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