Cafe in situ, after a few days penning in a Haworth cottage, the muffled background noises of south Leeds shoppers once again provide the aural escort to my habitual musings.

A phalanx of consumers mumbling as they go in search of retail bounty. This low volume chuntering a surprisingly comforting soundtrack to my metaphorical application of quill ink on parchment. I’m unsure why as I’m a fellow ordinarily easy to distract, however I somehow manage to shut out this accompanying din.

In addition to the shopping hordes and the outlets they patronise, my visual companions include advertising posters extolling the virtues of a holiday in the Bahamas, wonders of 270 degree all-immersive cinema screens and an enlivening tonic called Floradix.

The latter boasting qualities of fatigue reduction, and a product name which I’ve just randomly worked out is an anagram of Fixa Lord. I’ve no clue whether this potion is particularly effective when utilised by peers of the British realm, but I’ll bear this product advertisement in mind should I ever chance upon a Lord who appears to be flagging a bit!

Footnote – When I refer to a Lord who’s flagging a bit, I’m citing a peer looking fatigued. Not that I’d mention Floradix to a baron laying a flagstone patio…… Unless of course the manual work was making him tired!….. I hope that’s cleared that up! If it has, can you let me in on it as I’ve not got a chuffing clue what I’m on about!!

My mother Maggie has just joined me at my coffee house ‘writing desk’. On her arrival I went to the service counter to order her a pot of tea and a toasted tea cake. On returning with mater’s refreshments I was somewhat perturbed to find she’d let one of the baristas clear up my half full coffee cup and half full glass of water!! Consequently, leaving yours truly bereft of beverage.

Claiming it wasn’t her fault and I needed to cut down on my caffeine intake anyhow, she returned back to read the newspaper purchased prior to arrival. The coffee house were good about it and replaced both of my drinks, after they and me had had a decent chuckle about the episode…… I suppose I should be grateful she didn’t let anyone take my laptop and mobile phone which were also on the table; the dozy old mare!!

As I write, Maggie sits opposite me. Having had her fill of the right wing chuntering spewed from columns in the Daily Express, she’s now perched scrutinising every move of the by-passers who proved my soundtrack. It’s a shame she wasn’t equally as vigilant when it came to the disappearance of my initial cup of coffee and glass of water!

Incidentally, the mischievous diatribes I target at my broods matriarch is all posited in good nature. She’s a supportive, caring and loving lady who’s been a great role model to my brother Ian, sister Helen and me.

In fact, if she could just find her way to negate against surreptitiously sabotaging her offsprings caffeine intakes she’d be the perfect mum….. Well, that’s perhaps taking it too far, but she is a good ‘un!