Gary Strachan – "Write" Said Fred

A Whimsical Daily Diary From Deep Within A Random Mind

Diction Addiction

After a week’s respite from sub-zero temperatures, the scene through my living room window once again mimics that of a snow globe after a thorough shaking. Consequently afflicting West Yorkshire’s long-suffering populous with yet more flurries of the white stuff.

In the Collins English Dictionary*** under the word ‘frustrating’ it wouldn’t be inaccurate to supplement the definition with the following:- ‘Feeling experienced by Britain’s inhabitants at the capriciousness of the island’s weather in February  and March.’

***Other dictionaries are available if your spelling is pants!

The same tome could rightful include ‘Temperature in Gary Strachan’s Leeds based garage on the morning of Saturday 17th March 2018“, alongside the word ‘freezing’.

Under an explanation for ‘defrosted’ Collins lexilogical bible could also rightly define ‘What the pork chops meant for Gary Strachan’s tea failed to achieve by the morning of Saturday 17th March 2018′.

For a description of the word ‘bremscatic’, should the inclination take them, the dictionary’s editor could enter the definition ‘Being bereft of decent ideas, a fictional word made up by Gary Strachan on the morning of Saturday 17th March 2018. Shamelessly padding out his inane narrative’. 

Another suggested edit I’d proffer – Adjacent to the word ‘warm’ provide the lexilogical explanation of ‘A feeling rarely experienced in the UK, unless your playing Hide & Seek and you’re homing in on the person hiding’

Dictionary 

As is it’s erratic want, the meteorological conditions have now morphed from snow flurries and chuffing freezing to sunshine and chuffing freezing. I don’t know if the word ‘chuffing’ is in the Collins English Dictionary – However, for the purposes of that sentence I opined the noun freezing needed an adjective to strengthen it’s literary impact.

I resisted utilising the stronger and more apt adjective beginning ‘f’ as I attempt to avoid profanity wherever possible. Profanity isn’t happy about it, but he can go f*** himself as far as I’m concerned!

These days it’s uncommon for me to utilise a dictionary in book form. Ordinarily I acquire lexilogical and grammatical guidance in the shape of an online dictionary. That being said, normally my spelling isn’t bad so a web-based thesaurus is my heavier utilised writing companion.

I was supposed to venture west over the Pennine Hills tomorrow morning; an odyssey to Cheshire, via Lancashire, to meet family. However, the forecast has put the kibosh on that particular sojourn. The M62 a troublesome road to safely navigate in decent meteorological conditions – A route that’s a complete no-go westbound from Leeds during an amber weather warning ‘across the tops’.

Instead, I intend to fill my weekend home in situ. Writing, undertaking minor house chores, watching the rugby union international and making up more words to send on to the editor of the Collins English Dictionary.

As I arrive unceremoniously towards the conclusion of this narrative, the sun and snow continue to sporadically exchange the meteorological baton. As alluded to before, the wind chill remains a high maintenance mistress, steadfastly refusing to countenance thoughts of providing comfortable temperatures for either human and horticulture.

To close, I wanted to suggest another definition inclusion for a word within the Collin English Dictionary:-

End‘Something you’d wish this s*** March weather would adhere to!’

Categories: Blogs, family, fiction, humour, parody, Spoof News Stories

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