Well we are back from our weekend break in London. Hearteningly, the sun has made a welcome return to West Yorkshire; although I hope it behaves with more decorum than last time. It took me hours to get the red wine stain out of the carpet after its last debauched sojourn over this way!

As I survey the house from my perch at the dining/writing table, I see a scene I’d imagine that would come to pass if the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse had ridden roughshod through chez Strachan….. Great, I’ve just got rid of a red wine stain, now I’ve got horse muck to clear up!

There are items scattered everywhere. An empty box discarded outside of a cupboard, piles of cd’s on a comfy chair, breakfast crockery on the table and, to add insult to injury, Pestilence has stolen my ‘Carpenters – Greatest Hits’ cd.

Upstairs, piles of clothes, toiletries and memorabilia the previously resided in our weekend cases are shrew over the floors of two rooms. Some of the clothing has been discarded into the laundry basket for subsequent cleaning. I inexplicably took six t-shirts for a our two night London stay, so much of my case contents can be returned clean into my drawers.

I made a start sorting out my toiletries earlier, however was unable to locate my deodorant. I suspect Famine (who spent a lot of time in that room) pilfered it; although I’ll not dwell on that, as despite disliking thieves, the smelly article needed it!

The memorabilia from the weekend of a Billy Joel tour t-shirt and programmes for both his gig and the show ‘Funny Girl’ sit on the dressing table in the master bedroom. A retro Aberdeen football shirt and 25 traditional beer mats reside next to them to ensure a look of maximum of clutter.

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While writing this section of the narrative, I can hear my diminutive spouse purposefully walking around upstairs like a woman on a mission. Interspersed between her tuts and sighs at the scene of desolation, I can hear her occasionally muttering “Bloody filthy horses!”

Like me, she hates an untidy house or garden. Unlike me, she isn’t sat on her arse writing instead of cleaning the house up. She will no doubt soon descend the stairs, sandy of colour and ingrained with horse muck (the carpet not her), to ask for assistance in her quest to return the house to its former glory.

I wonder if I can fit into that discarded cardboard box beside the cupboard door and hide, before she enters the living room and asks “Gary, can you get rid of all this horse crap for me, please?!”

Within the last 24 hours we have gone from a place where the streets are paved with gold to the abode where the floors are covered in detritus!

Some people would say the current domestic tidiness of our domicile is fine. It’s a ‘lived in’ look, maybe how some may describe this unkempt environment. “It’ll be reet!” might come the cry of people who can live in domiciliary clutter, muck and disorder.

‘Each to their own’, according to the Procrastination and Leave Until Tomorrow Society mission statement. I don’t judge people on their domestic cleanliness, I just know Karen and I can’t live in this disarray.

Anyway, I best get off my ass and go assist my betrothed in her quest to return maison de Strachan to it’s former ‘ship shape’ aesthetic.

I will close this blog now to go get my shovel from the garage for the ‘mucking out’ of my home…… It appears that the empty cardboard box may come in handy after all!

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