That’s Another Fine Mess….!

In recent weeks I’ve been attempting to lose weight and up my fitness levels. The main driver for this being concerns about recent feelings of slovenliness and lethargy.

I was also prompted into action after being labeled a ‘lard arse’ by a local rotund woman who sings at the conclusion of operas.

I’ve embarked on a diet with recipes that incorporate more salad and vegetables. This strategy doesn’t eradicate the cravings for fat in foods, but has helped me feel less lethargic and bloated. It’s also made me realize that if re-incarnation does exist I hope I don’t come back as a rabbit!

Incidentally, I haven’t had to reduce the number of Big Mac burger’s I eat on this diet. To allow this I’ve adapted my strategy so that I no longer throw away the gherkins and eat the burger. I now still remove the gherkins, but now eat them and throw away the burger.

Some people deem that as unnecessary expense and label me foolhardy, however, I see it more as a viable plan not to look like Oliver Hardy….. See what I did there?…. No. Never mind!

oliver hardy

Other lifestyle changes I’ve made are that I’m now drinking more water and embarking on power walks. This has contributed to a feeling less slovenly and my appetite diminishing.

Mind you, as a middle aged man, drinking so much water does have its drawbacks. I now need to pee every hour on the hour. I’m like a cuckoo clock with a novel but inappropriately shaped cuckoo…… Moving on swiftly!

Anyway, I’m heartened that since I started the dietary changes and power walking I’m already seeing the benefits fitness wise. I timed myself this morning and I can now get to the biscuit tin in half the time.

As for weight loss, I’m not too sure if there has been any yet as my scales needs recalibrating; meaning their accuracy is in question (cough, cough).


Yesterday morning, it was cheering to be told by Karen at the breakfast table “You’ve lost some timber, Gary.” ….. Unfortunately she was referring to the fact someone had stolen our wooden patio decking overnight, not any apparent weigh loss on my part!

However, I won’t get disheartened or lose discipline on this journey to improve my physical wellbeing. I appreciate it’ll take tenacity to fulfill my goals of stable weight loss, good dietary practice and to have an exercise DVD out in time for Christmas.

As such, I’ll relentless crack on tucking into the rabbit food, replacing burgers with gherkins, power walking and peeing for England.

That being said, with regards the fitness DVD, I think it prudent to put a hold on buying the lurid spandex workout suit, leg warmers and head band just yet.

One thing I’m sure of is that sorting my physical wellbeing out shouldn’t be the challenge it is to rectify my mental wellbeing!

Right, at this point I need to close as I need to gorge on some gherkins and visit the local DIY store to obtain replacement timber for my patio.

Prunella Scales, currently more accurate at weight assessment than my bathroom scales……. Although, I’m not overly happy she called me a ‘fat get’!


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