An Entitled Dog’s Life

Yesterday social media kindly brought to my attention a recent interview in which, with no detectable hint of irony, UK prime minister Boris Johnson revealed his dog Dilyin was a tad frisky. A claim the shaggy haired japester (Johnson, not his dog) backed by further announcing his four-legged friend spent a good deal of time “on peoples legs.”

Actually, my use of ‘tad’ above is probably inaccurate. After all, according to the Cambridge Dictionary, that particular noun is defined as ‘a little’ or ‘slightly’. With that in mind, from what Bozington of Blighty infers, ie his mutt is frequently wrapped around the lower limbs of individuals it comes into contact with, ‘tad’ perhaps undersells the voracity of his dog’s alleged insatiable libido.

On further reflection, I’m also unsure why yours truly felt the need to prefix the words ‘insatiable libido’ with alleged. I mean, even in these contemporary times of scattergun litigation, surely the canine isn’t gonna sue me for the observation.

After all, I’m barely insulting the mutt. Yours truly is merely highlighting a revelation Dilyin’s very frisky. A claim which’d surely raise its laddish (well, doggish) profile with metaphorical drinking buddies down the metaphorical Kings Arms boozer……. Incidentally, Bozza’s dog is banned from the metaphorical King’s Legs pub for …. well, errrr, perhaps you can guess why!

Without further research (which I can’t be bothered to undertake) I’m unaware of the PM’s hounds breed. However, if the adage dogs resemble their owners has any basis in fact I’d guess it’ll be a cross between a shaggy haired Olde English sheepdog and Benny from Crossroads.

Footnote – For the uninitiated, Benny from Crossroads was a 1970’s/80’s British soap opera character who, although significantly less entitled than Boorish Johnson, was ‘blessed’ with similar questionable levels of intellectual wherewithal.

Upon my reading of social media’s disclosure his beloved pet was a tad (ok, not tad, incredibly) horny, it was hard not to ponder whether it’d picked up this habit from witnessing his owners reputed penchant for ‘putting it about’ over the past three or four decades…… Although, to be fair, I guess the four-legged fella won’t be old enough to’ve witnessed the PM in his ‘prime’.

With Wikipedia quoting Johnson’s offspring numbers as “At least six”, from a amalgam of marriages and romantic trysts, it appears Dilyin would have to knock out a fairly large litter to compete with the reproductive wherewithal of the bloke who feeds him Mr Dog and Tesco Gravy Bones**.

** Other dog foods and snacks, but apparently not canine bromide, are available.

I guess Boris must be relieved his own progeny didn’t turn up in litters. Circumstances which, despite him being blessed with considerably more residential capacity than your normal punter, would’ve put strains on available living space in his various abodes.

Reflecting upon this narratives cast of sordid characters I can’t help but think, despite the jeopardy of diplomatic incidents borne from his rampant libido, it’s a shame old Dilyin couldn’t be put in charge of government policy.

After all, dogs are a darned sight more loyal and less likely to shaft you (apart from on the leg) than your average governmental big cheese. From experience, if you see a canine alright they’ve got your back forever. An MP, however,…… Well, you can write your own punchline to that!

Ok, I admit it, the previous observation is an incredibly subjective accusation. However, it’s made without apology – A stance borne from confidence that a well treated, humanely nurtured dog will treat you with a darned sight more loyalty than a self-entitled human afforded the same upbringing and existential comforts.

Woof!

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