Side Affects

This afternoon I’m scheduled to receive my first coronavirus vaccine. I know it’s my inaugural jab as I’ve not previously been afforded one. If I had, within this pieces initial sentence, I’d have highlighted it was my second shot in the arm. Unless, of course it was my third. In which case, as there’s only a requirement for two vaccinations, I’d be straight on the phone to my GP….. I hope that clarified things. I’d like to think I’m nothing if not thorough.

After advising a friend of the upcoming jab, they felt moved to inquire “Aren’t you concerned about potential side affects, Gary?” A catechism to which I firmly, but politely, responded in the negative.

I’m not normally a glass half full chap, however, I’m endeavouring to look on the positive side of receiving this vaccination. And not just from a standpoint of the obvious boon of becoming less likely to suffer from a life-threatening strain of COVID; along with a forthcoming return of civil liberties.

I’ve decided to follow a mantra ignoring a ‘go to’ stance employed by some relating to medication side affects. In particular the negativity surrounding the risks. My viewpoint that of not focussing on potential vaccine jeopard; a stance of folly I’m resolved not to subscribe to.

Clearly, scientific research and development has previous form when it comes to negative side affects for game changing drugs. However, from my perspective, even if both shots don’t contain that silver bullet affording full COVID protection, the risk of not receiving the jab far outweighs refusal to accept.

In a rare fit of optimism I’m romanticising not only will I receive immunity against a deadly strain of coronavirus, but the side affect I experience will be a reaction resulting in my back hair falling out. As it’s an area I can’t shave myself, a scientific vaccination consequence I’d welcome with open arms.

Of course, such a bizarre set of circumstances playing out are unlikely. However, is it not a more noble thought to take into this immunisation than embracing the doctrines of gloom mongers. Individuals who, without due cause, imagine the most capricious situations resulting from vaccination.

People like Archie Crowdsurf from Gwent. A middle-aged fella who refuses his jab because of fears it’ll ruin his singing voice; subsequently putting an end to his lucrative Tom Jones tribute act.

Or, Dorking housewife Joanne Annejo who’s terrified the coronavirus immunisation will affect her cognitively that henceforth she’d start answering the door when Jehovah’s Witnesses come calling.

Not to mention Jock Ayethenoo from Perth, in Scotland, who predicts being vaccinated will lead to him feeling the cold more than pre-jab. Subsequently, requiring him to employ the unthinkable for a Scotsman of the need to adorn undies beneath his kilt.

Incidentally, with regards to my hope a coronavirus injection results in a bizarre side affect of my back becoming less hirsute, This desire is only afforded to the shifting of back hair. The follicles on my head are perfectly adept at thinning without assistance from you Mr Covid-Shot, thank you very much…….. Diminishing the hirsuteness of my bonce would be a very much unwelcome imposter.

Disclaimer – Archie Crowdsurf, Joanne Annejo and Jock Ayethenoo appear courtesy of the Made Up Names Corporation. Any similarity to anyone living, dead or renting a tepee in Hull is purely coincidental….. Especially the latter, which bearing in mind the specificity of criteria parameters would be a massive coincidence!

Due to this narrative being penned while undergoing an outer body experience, the author would like to make it clear that the opinions within the prose may not reflect his while in body.

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