Day -3 until the England’s second official lockdown. Thursday being the day we meet the new edicts; these not identical to the legislation in March’s initial lockdown. For instance, schools will remain open, and anyone called Geoff will still be able to visit Krispy Kreme Donuts every other Tuesday.

Apparently this lockdown will last for a month, or 126 days, whichever is the sooner. I’m going to engage with Labour MP Diane Abbott for clarification on the math.

I’m concerned that, after four weeks quarantined with my mother, next time yours truly is afforded liberty from chez Strachan, my life will mirror that of Norman Bates – The matricidal villain of Hitchcock movie Psycho.

An event that’ll have seen me kill of mater. Then endeavour to mask this misdemeanour by dressing in her clothes, prior to sporadically wandering past windows in silhouette. A ploy aimed at gaslighting people into thinking, despite not hearing from her for a while, all is still well with Mrs S senior.

The mental trauma of my own matricide leaving me a gibbering wreck. A once eloquent chap whose only remaining verbal interactions are those of mumbling to myself in mine and mater’s voice.

Yours truly’s life in pieces; consigned to an existence where even buddy Geoff can’t raise my spirits with a gift of fortnightly Krispy Kreme donuts. A life of cognitive disarray where mental disorientation becomes so heightened I start watching TV’s Love Island.

connery

Shifting topics, yesterday I was saddened to hear of actor Sean Connery’s death. The first James Bond, Scottish National Party (SNP) supporter and man who turned down a chance to play for Manchester United in his twenties passing at the age of 90.

Connery was offered a £25 a week contract to join Man Utd by manager Matt Busby, after his fellow Scot had seen him play in a charity match.

Connery, a keen footballer who’d had a trial with Scottish club East Fife in his youth, feeling his future lay in acting, turned down the Bellshill born manager’s offer. Busby wasn’t enamoured at the snub by Edinburgh born actor. In particular his reasoning that he preferred acting.

When informed of his decision, Busby (stroking his white cat) is said to have menacingly responded  “Come, come Mr Connery. You derive as much pleasure from the game of football as I do!”

It was a ‘no brainer’ for Connery who went on to play the iconic James Bond role between 1962-1971. History recording him as many people’s favourite actor in the role.

As well as playing 007, the Scot starred in many other high profile movies including A Bridge Too Far, Marnie, The Man Who Would Be King, The Name Of The Rose, Entrapment and Highlander to name a few.

In 1987, the suave Scotsman won an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor in the movie The Untouchables, playing a hard fisted Irish-American cop.

His is also said to be enormously proud of winning Best Insult of An Englishman Award in 1998 for telling the London paparazzi to “Awa’ an bile yer heid! Or ah will gang round ‘n’ gie yer guidwife something tae pat hing her towels oan!”

That polemic roughly translating as “Go away chaps! Or I will go around to your houses and give your good ladies something to hang their towels on!”

RIP Sir Sean Connery!

Disclaimer – The final award mentioned in the narrative possibly bears more fiction than fact….. Oh ok, I admit it, its a downright lie!!