This essay is the 1,900th blog manifesting from my capricious mind since embarking on this literary odyssey in March 2015.

While sitting at my patio table, in close proximity on my starboard bow a money spider tenaciously navigates the web it’s weaved. A view I take as a sign for the future…… Sadly, not one of any great monetary gain, moreover a prediction I”ll transport the bloody thing inside the house on my hair later on.

That being said I’m not scared of spiders, in fact some of my best friends are arachnids! …. Oh ok, I admit it, one of the two above of statements is incorrect. I’ll let you guess which one bears the truth in fact.


In the moments since completing the previous paragraph, yours truly has adopted a more compliant social distancing from the aforementioned spider.

This decision not taken from concerns about catching COVID-19 from the eight legged arthropod. Moreover, the fact this little critter was get too close to the bottom of the shorts I’m adorning. I may not be frightened of spiders, but I’ve no intention of putting out on a first date….. Blimey, I’ve got some standards!

Mercifully, today the back trauma which’s plagued me all week has been significantly less uncomfortable than of late. A statement I can make in the certain knowledge it hasn’t hurt as much since my 7am reveille……. If it had, I’d not have made the comment it was significantly less uncomfortable. But I guess you probably guessed that already!

As I chronicle this section, a grey tit has just been attempting to dislodge branches from a hebe bush around six foot from me. Although a beautiful avian, I’d suspect my critics first thought on hearing this news would be the observation “Well that makes two tits in the garden for the price of one!”

Anyhow, I’m pleased to have registered this landmark of 1,900 blogs over the past five years. A project which dragged me from a precipice of depression where I stood back then, increasing my self-worth, confidence and making me realise I wasn’t the worthless piece of shit my mind had for decades unforgivingly assured me was the case.

Greek philosopher Giorgio Porgio once posited “To write is to live, and to live is to write!” I’ve not got a f***ing clue what that really means, but I’d like to think in some way the last five years of my existence in some way endorses that doctrine.

During my journey on landscape literary, according to the stats, I’ve had just under 95,000 hits from 153 countries visiting my website…… Incidentally, I’d like to thank my mum for spending a month counting all that data.

Right, I’m off as that spiders disappeared!!…… Chuffing hell I’m itching like hell now!!