Keen to enrich my literary skillset, I’m contemplating making some of my chronicles available via the conduits of podcast and/or video stream. These delivery channels perhaps the next organic leap for yours truly as I endeavour to expand brand writesaidfred.org.

During these current COVID-19 affected times, it feels to me that if I can succeed in delivering my prose effectively there’d be an opportunity for me to venture down this potentially fertile path. Particularly in an era when social media output and podcasts are the kiddies.

Practising delivery of my proses, so they’re fit for purpose, is proving more difficult than I envisaged. My honing of the oration frequently interrupted by my mum bursting into the dining room where I practice to inquire loudly “What were you asking, Gary!…. I can’t hear you above the noise of the telly!“, or “Who the bleeding hell are you talking to?!”

I don’t bother informing mater (Maggie) of aspirations to expand my prose’s audience. Not fond of any of her offspring putting their heads above the parapet, she doesn’t think I should waste my time penning these narratives. Never mind providing approval for her eldest son’s delivery, via audio and video channels, of such dubious tosh.

Consequently, Maggie and my daughter Rachel, who concurs with her grandma’s sentiments about the pointlessness of my literary output, wouldn’t afford house room to these whimsical monologues. With hubris, I console myself with this rejection by concluding it’s Mrs and Miss Strachan’s loss.

I’m not sure what Rachel’s issue is which manifests diatribes against me pursuing an odyssey involving pen nib and parchment. I suspect she is worried what others will think of her dad’s capriciously delivered jocularity. With her not reading them, though, I can justifiably argue her opinion isn’t presented from an informed position.

Wanting to attain anonymity from being related to me, Rach has even threatened to change her name by deed poll to Rachel Houseplant as a strategy to throw people off the scent.

Incidentally, I thought I’d make you aware of this informational snippet to avert any confusion if within the next few weeks I start scribbling under the name of Gary Houseplant!….. I’m not letting Rach get off with the familial connection that easily.

My daughter shares many of her grandma’s behavioural traits, including sense of humour, fondness of a brisk word or two, caring nature and a penchant to put other people’s wishes/dilemmas above family members. The latter an attribute borne from the knowledge they know family will love them unconditionally regardless of the provocation.

I’ve just received a text from my on Jonathon in which he advises I’ll only receive half of my birthday present from him on Saturday. Apparently, for a reason my offspring hasn’t disclosed, they’ve only shipped one of the two gifts he’d purchased…… According to Jonny, Ant should arrive by courier on Saturday, but Dec won’t be here until next Tuesday at the earliest!

My son isn’t best pleased that, on what’ll be a bit of a damp squib of a birthday for me anyway, I won’t receive both of the gifts on the day itself…… Blimey, just wait until he finds out that in a few weeks the family surname may’ve been changed to Houseplant!!

Write said fred