Super Stormtrooper Beams Are Gonna Blind Me

I’ve been slightly delayed in penning this essay. A self-inflicted inconvenience consequential of me, on taking my seat at the coffee shop which’s become my habitual lieu l’ectriture, misguidedly carrying out a system update on my laptop.

This action rendering me unable to use my device for twenty minutes, resulting in a frustrating time during which any aspirations of waxing lyrical were denied me. Instead creating a period of white space I passed by agitatedly plucking hairs from my beard, along with people watching individuals dressed as Star Wars characters collecting for a charitable cause.

Footnote – I’m unsure if people watching is the correct descriptive for watching the Star Wars characters. Stormtrooper and Jabba the Hutt watching would probably be a more accurate depiction of my time-filling antics.

I’m assuming that the individuals benevolently collecting for charity are people dressed as Star Wars characters. I certainly didn’t spot any Delta-class DX9 stormtrooper assault vehicles in the White Rose Shopping Centre (WRSC) car park.

If these characters are the real thing Darth Vader and the Stormtroopers exhibit significantly more humanity and magnanimity than of old….. It’s heartening to see the Mustafar anger management programme appears to be bearing fruit.

Further Footnote – I’m also assuming they’re benevolently collecting charitable donations from the massed throng of WRSC patrons, not acquiring their bounty by demanding money with menaces!


Anyhow, my laptop operating system is newly updated and I can stop fretting about being rendered literarily impotent. As I pen, the coffee shop staff are currently sweeping up customer’s discarded napkins and muffin crumbs, this jetsam potentially containing a few of the beard whiskers I’d ripped out during that impotence.

I’m currently struggling to think of a topic with which to write. During the earlier operating system upgrade, it’s a shame I didn’t constructive ponder a narrative subject, as opposed to agitatedly ripping out beard whiskers, and Stormtrooper watching.

Thus far the only creative epiphany I’ve had since access to my website edit facility being re-established is inanely pondering whether if I bore the surname Andthechocolatefactory would it be cruel to name an offspring Charlie…… Currently, I’m coming down on the side of it’d be essentially a heartless move, as opposed to my initial notions it’d be quirky.

My mum and Rachel (my daughter) have just been chatting about tonight’s BBC TV Strictly Come Dancing final. During this tete-a-tete they both professed they’d like professional dancer Anton and his partner to win, a comment which led me to submit “Wouldn’t it be funny if Anton’s surname was Dec!”…… No they didn’t laugh either!

Further Further Footnote – If you’re not English, Ant and Dec are two multi award winning UK TV presenters. You still won’t find the gag any good, but thought it only polite to explain!

Currently, I’m mulling over a narrative title for this prose. Thus far I’ve mulled over ‘Stormtrooper In A Teacup’ and ‘Any Port in A Stormtrooper’…….. However, I’m probably going to go with ‘Super Stormtrooper Beams Are Gonna Blind Me’….. In fact, looking at the heading it appears I have!


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