Gary Strachan – "Write" Said Fred

Off The Wall Essays From Deep Within A Capricious Mind

Long Live The King!!

It’s another humid day in the West Yorkshire metropolis I affectionately call home. For the third occasion this week, I’m penning my daily narrative at a coffee house within the White Rose Shopping Centre (WRSC) located south of the city.

Once again, the audio companions to my penmanship are the muffled conversations of Costa customers and day-to-day murmurs of WRSC patrons roaming the shopping mall in search of bargains and/or edible sustenance. Also echoing around the vast glass dome which provides the malls architectural centre piece, the intermittent screams of long-suffering mothers admonishing their misbehaving children.

Looking down from my mezzanine perch, I witness a cosmopolitan mix of individuals sauntering past the numerous national and multinational stores residing within the White Rose. The corporate power and profile of these shops meaning my view would be similar regardless of whether I was people watching in London, New York, Dubai, Sydney or Paris shopping centres.

One of the stores in my close proximity unashamedly boasts to passersby that it’s brand is the ‘King of Trainers’. To my mind, quite a bold gasconade which I’d posit can only be made from a position of subjectivity. Surely there can’t be a competition which bestows this accolade upon the corporate giant who produces the best sneakers……. Can there?!

I suppose it could be a corporation brag manifesting from them outselling all other national/global training shoe sales. Surely, though, JD Sports retail sales of Forrest Gump’s favourite footwear doesn’t globally out perform the likes of Sports Direct, Adidas and Nike.

Being disinclined to research global sneaker sales, I’m not making an informed claim above. It’s merely a gut feeling when the hapless Gump was advised to “Run Forrest, Run!” his trainers wouldn’t have been purchased from JD Sports……. Not that acquiring the mantle of ‘King of Trainers’ is dependent on whether Forrest Gump adorns your sporting wares!!

If that tag-line is from a genuine achievement, I apologise to JD Sports for questioning it’s worthiness to boast the mantle of ‘King of Trainers’. Not to mention, proffering it’d be unlikely a fictional movie character purchases his running shoes from their fine sportswear establishment.

I suppose I should really do more research prior to casting aspersions about JD Sport’s tagline. After all, their boast could be nothing to do sporting footwear. The claim ‘King of Trainers’ could be them highlighting corporate pride at having an acclaimed team of tutors, deserving kudos for their outstanding staff training achievements.

Alternatively, it’s not inconceivable it could be a typo and it should read ‘King of Trailers’, raising awareness of JD Sports diversification into the sale of state of the art caravan vacations….. Actually, I’m wrong, it is utterly inconceivable that the corporate tagline above the JD Sports store will be a typo!!…… Sort yourself out, Gary!!

To close, I’ve just reversed my decision to incorporate any element of research into this essay. My U-turn enlightening me to the fact JD Sports are the leading trainer and sports fashion retailer in the UK…… Who’d have thought that?!….. Well, apart from someone who could be arsed to do some research before waffling on inanely for 450+ words about the subject!!

Unknown

Categories: Blogs, fiction, humour, parody

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

2 replies

  1. Could it be “King of Strainers”? as I would struggle to pay for them, let alone wear them! Obviously the next question is who is the Queen? or are they only trainers for chauvinists?

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