Taking Flight

Sitting at the dining table seeking inspiration for today’s literary bonhomie, I’ve my two canine buddies Zella and Deano hovering close-by; their mission to secure scraps from the lunch table. Their pitiful sad eyed look bringing to mind a bowl in hand Oliver Twist when seeking a second scrape of gruel from Mr Bumble.

As the fat lady sang to signal lunch’s denouement around five minutes ago, I’m unsure why these hirsute scamps are still pestering me for food – I’m afraid the midday smorgasbord is empty little buddies.

Consequently, even if I wished to further extend my magnanimousness at sharing lunch, Zells and Deano’s chances of currently fleecing me outta more food mirror those of Oliver’s when endeavouring to lever a second helping from Bumble.

To clarify, my furry chums aren’t literally hovering. They’ve many endearing and special qualities, however self-levitation isn’t among the magic they inject into my simple life.

I’m not saying they’re incapable of performing such gravity defying wizardry. After all, the fact I’ve not seen them hovering midair without aids to elevation, akin to the eccentric old uncle in Mary Poppins, doesn’t conclusively prove they can’t pull off this unlikely stunt.

For all I know, when prying eyes aren’t around, such as overnight, the German Shepherd and wee Lhasa apso may enjoy endless clandestine frolics floating around chez Strachan’s kitchen, lounge and dining room. The post midnight hours literally and metaphorically flying by for the Avashight twins.

Footnote – The Avashight twins is the ‘affectionate’ nome de plume I’ve bestowed upon Zella and Deano. The surname borrowed from my late mother who, when her children were older, mischievously deemed they were behaving like Lord (or Lady) Avashight, when getting ideas above their station….. Not that the woofers have ideas about their station I hasten to add.….. Well, apart from Deano on occasion.

As scribed above, after ascending the stairs at night, I’ve no conclusive proof my furry duo take the weight off their aching old limbs with a spot of twilight levitation. That been said, despite this lack of cogent evidence, as with most punters, I’d wager my bottom dollar these enchanting dogs haven’t the skillset to pull off the ruse.

Not that I’m belittling the four legged pair for their probable inability to defy gravity. Unless filled with helium, or in possession of wings, no one (human or animal) can float above terra firma…. With the possible exception of Harold Bishop from Aussie soap Neighbours who’s jet pack powered undies apparently afford him the power of flight.

Apart from in dreams, I certainly can’t pull off the levitation stunt. Which is a shame because having the ability to fly in my night visions is generally great fun. For instance, it came in particularly handy during last night’s dream. This slumber time storyline requiring me to become airborne to retrieve my budgie Arthur; the wee fella going AWOL after escaping through the living room window.

As the grass isn’t always greener on the other side, perhaps yours truly should be careful what he wishes for. After all, its just possible life’s brio levels aren’t augmented by possessing the power of flight.

To back up that theory, I’d proffer eagles and chaffinches don’t look any happier with their lot than non-flying birds like penguins or emus….. This despite penguins having a bloody good reason to be peed off.

After all, the poor buggers live in a domain where it’s constantly bloody freezing; not to mention enduring frequent exposure to the jeopardy of being eaten by polar bears or orcas….. Something they could avoid if they’d have been blessed with flight. Are they bitter about it though?…. No, instead of whinging they evolved to deal with their surroundings as effectively as possible.

So sort yourself out, Gary. Be happy with your lot in life… Sure, you may not be able to fly, but a house marten can’t whistle the Bulgarian national anthem like you can….. Errrrr, I don’t think anyway!….. Although, parrots and budgies could possibly toot the stirring march, I guess.

I suppose whistling the Bulgarian national anthem may not be as useful as flying, but no bird will’ve passed the BTEC Higher National Certificate in Business Studies like yours truly achieved back in the day…… What do you mean 1980’s TV puppet Edd the Duck passed the same course in 1987?!….. No he didn’t!!

Edd the Duck – Incidentally, his name’s not cockney rhyming slang!…. I don’t think, anyhow!!

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